A reply from a gay husband: why do we force people to live in hell before they’ve even died?


A while ago, a woman, and after reading Aroos Amman, sent me a letter on Facebook, telling me her story of being tricked into a fake marriage with a gay man who soon left her. She said that she felt like both Laila and Salma in the book for what she went through in her marriage and now what she is going through fearing of ending up alone for the rest of her life.

Today, a gay man replied to that post under the nickname Aziz. He is giving a similar account to Ali in the book. He has been married for five years now and feeling horrible for not being able to give his wife what she needs. He was driven to take this move by family expectations, social pressure and religious fears.

I leave you to read his words, but I wonder, till when are we going to push people into fake relationships? ones that defy their nature? Isn’t it about time to spread a decent sexuality education in our schools?

I am writing this from the point of view of the closeted husband. My wife and I have been married for five years. I knew I liked men long before, but hadn’t acted on it. I was raised in a very religious household and was always taught that it was very wrong to feel as I do and that God would punish me forever if I ever committed any act of homosexuality. To those of you who are reading from the outside (from outside of our societies) this may seem crazy. But, a lot of people think this way and live their whole lives in fear.

I lived and live in fear everyday. Though my belief has faded over the years, I still can’t shake the image of an angry God constantly at my heels. I live in fear of divorce as well because I fear losing my relationship with my son. I fear losing my family. I fear being alone forever and dying alone. My fears are justified because here, if a person is considered “bad” by society, he/she will be cut off. So, I have to play the game.

Everyday, I die. I feel like I’m sleeping on a bed of thorns-every move hurts, I never feel at ease. I hate to wake up and I hate to sleep because this follows me into my dreams. I hate that I am hurting my wife. She knows something is wrong and she blames herself. Why don’t I want her? Why am I always depressed and angry? What has she done to deserve this? I want so badly to be honest with her, but I know what will happen if I am. So I play the game.

I had an affair once. I never felt so at ease as when I was with him. Everything, from conversation, to affection, to sex came so easily. I finally realized what my straight friends were talking about when they said their wives made them so happy. But, it couldn’t continue as it was too much of a risk and we ended the relationship.

I understand that many feel that homosexuality is a sin. And maybe it is. But, why do we force people to live in hell before they’ve even died? My wife is in hell, I am in hell. I am sure it can’t hurt any worse than this. And my biggest fear is that my son will see our relationship and believe that this is what love and marriage are supposed to be like.

Gay guys, please don’t marry just to please your parents or live a “normal” life. Your life will be far from normal no matter how much you tell yourself it will be OK. I know.

25 thoughts on “A reply from a gay husband: why do we force people to live in hell before they’ve even died?

  1. Fadi, I am glad to see your novel and posts keep touching people’s lives and encourage them to share their stories and perspectives. Kudos.

    There is nothing worse than fake relationships, this is a wisdom I learnt a long time ago. And it is true, people are being pushed into those kinds of relationships through the social norms. I think Aziz knows best whether there is any chance his wife can deal with the fact that he is a homosexual.

    I think honesty is recommended. He might be trading off short-term pain, for long-term uncertainty. But long-term uncertainty is better than long-term fear. One way the outcome is known to be undesirable. The other way is uncertain, so he got nothing much to lose compared to the certainty of the bad outcome of continuing to live life as it is.

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  2. Suleiman M. says:

    Thank you Fadi for sharing this message.

    People are wasting two lives from living Happy with these fake relationships that leads to marriage! I understand all of this “pleasing” your parents, sho pleasing them, xallas, it is my life, I take control over it, you had your chance, you lived, you got married… and and and, now it is MY TIME, I want to live it the way I want…

    DM, Honesty IS recommended, but at this point, since there is a child, I bet it is hell hard, the last thing a child wants is to see his/her parents separating!

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  3. Yes, Suleiman, it is not a clear shot situation. And the person involved (Aziz) is the best judge of his own situation.

    A separation might happen; it is certainly something to consider. But the tension that arises from the hidden truth, that will inevitably cause damage to the relationship between this man and his wife. But honesty can give clarity to the situation. At least the wife will not feel neglected or dissatisfied for reasons she cannot explain. At least then she will know why things are going the way they are.

    It does not have to be a separation. They can agree to remain together, but with a slightly different arrangement that can satisfy both parties. I know an open marriage is an unlikely result, but it is surely something to consider if they were serious about their own happiness and the happiness of their child. Or it might be something else. Maybe they can seek couples therapy. Maybe nothing will change except that there will be more understanding and transparency about why things are going the way they do, which by itself is an improvement.

    But ultimately, Aziz is the only person who can make an informed decision about which strategy to follow, since he knows best the relevant information required to make an assessment of the situation.

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  4. Suleiman M. says:

    That’s true, Aziz knows the situation, he knows how much his wife might be able to understand the situation in time.

    In the meantime he should find some solutions to let her know that the problem is not with her, it is something deep inside him, or try and make-up something until the truth eventually comes out! If he decides to take that road.

    In such a fake marriage situation, and in such a society, I would welcome an open marriage as long as it stays “under the radar” that way at least it can give both a chance to breath and doesn’t hurt their child, but yet again that will bring more complications around here (JEEZ!!!).

    Aziz knows his wife good enough to know how much she’ll accept that lifestyle of them, keep it to herself and not cause problems that will lead to separation, and if she’s brave enough to understand how this part of the world thinks, it will be easier for her to adapt to the situation. Couples therapy would be perfect if they can find a Dr who is reliable enough to help the situation they are in and not just fuck it up completely! (again, the mentality)!!

    and as you said, he’s the only one who can decide on what to do and knows the variables attached to such a situation…

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  5. Aziz says:

    Fadi, I was truly surprised to come back to this page and find that my comment had been highlighted by you. Thank you and thank you to the other commenters as well. I can’t express what good it does to know that one has been heard, even in the most limited sense.

    My son is the principal “complication” in this situation. If I had to loose my wife and even my family (I’m 100% sure my father would never speak to me again if he knew and he would make sure the rest of the family followed his example), it would hurt like hell, but I think I could survive it. But, if I lost contact with my son there would be no life for me at all.

    I don’t know of any solution at this point but to be the best father I can be and give my son the love and support I never had from my father. To teach him that being a “good person” involves taking the risk of empathizing with others rather than crushing them for perceived faults just to highlight one’s own “righteousness”. Once he’s an adult and can understand, maybe that will be the moment for me to break out.

    I principally wrote because your book touched me (yes I did read it shortly after you posted “Jane’s” comments a couple of months ago) and I wanted my story to serve as a warning for other gay men and women whose families are coming down hard on them to marry-and those who are engaged to those individuals and are desperately trying to close their eyes to the truth. Stand up-even if you don’t tell your family everything. Please don’t fold like I did. As individuals we can begin to change our societies bit by bit. No need to walk down the street in drag, just a drop of resistance from each one of us can swell into something bigger.

    Again, thank you.

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  6. ArabObserver says:

    DM, you are right, there is nothing worse than fake relationships. I would say that he’d be reclaiming his life if he stood for himself now. It is a surgery that I recommend.

    Suleiman, I think that it is a bundle of a set of different reasons. Pleasing the parents can be one thing, but also longing for social acceptance and engagement is another thing. One can feel it once his/her peers start to drift away with their new founded families.

    Aziz, thank you for being here and for speaking out. It is a much needed voice, that is why I decided to re-post your comment here in a new post so that people would actually read it and think about it.

    It is kind of ironice how gay people are demonized in this culture at the same time many would refused to stand up for themselves and claim their lives for the fear of hurting the people around them that they truly love. They end up sacrificing their lives for their parents and later on for their families.

    I can understand the horrible situation you find yourself in. I can also understand your ambition to be the best father you can. You son doesn’t have to pay the price of your mistake and this culture deficiencies. But I do also believe that children do feel the level of their parent’s happiness and that affects them big time. Carry on with your life with a feeling of misery, holding all of that fear and guilt inside you would only make you and your wife unhappy and thus reflected on your son’s psyche.

    Having said that, I would say that there is a long way between reclaiming your life and coming out to everybody around you. I would say that you should do things smartly. Your wife is the key. She is a major victim here and I can’t see any other way to give her her justice except to tell her the truth. She is a grown up adult and she is entitled to make her own decision. That should be in no way a ticket to scandalize you and ostracize you from close people around you. You appeal to her sanity. Trust her to do the right thing. She may very well do what Laila did in the novel and sacrifice her life for the sake of the boy (which I don’t recommend), but she may very well also reclaim her own life and live the life she deserves.

    You ought it to her to give her back control over her life. This is a decision that you can’t take for her under the justification of trying to do what is best for your son. I know that this may be the last thing you want to hear and I can understand the amount of fear around this matter. I may very well be wrong in many ways, but I believe that you can reclaim your life, give back hers, and ensure a better life for your son, if you do things smartly.

    I wish you all the best regardless what you decide.

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  7. Anonymous says:

    Why Aziz willing to loose his parent but not his son, what if his son would grow up and refuse for the same reason. It is essentially a father son relationship, why to value your son more than your father? Why you think it will be Ok for your father to loose you but it won;t be Ok for you to loose your son… and yes definitely your wife should know no matter what… yet to say it seems God create this feeling of homosexuality and he probably accept the difference, other wise it could be a man made and at that case could have therapy which apparently not the case

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  8. Anon: “Why you think it will be Ok for your father to loose you but it won;t be Ok for you to loose your son…” – This is a twisted way to look at the situation. Each person in the situation has a choice to make. Aziz’s choice is whether or not to disclose the truth, and that choice depends on his anticipation of the reactions of those around him who matter to him, and if he is prepared to live with the some of the choices he may not like. His father has a choice as well. It is not something written in stone that his father will lose him, the father is the one who would have made the choice in that situation.

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  9. Aziz. Wow, very touched by your story. I for one, won’t kid myself and fall into the trap of pleasing my parents. If pleasing my parents meant having kids means destroying my happiness and the happiness of another girl then I don’t understand what’s pleasing about it. You would think they would love to see my grow up and be happy.

    Watch a “Jihad for Love”, a guy from there went through the same experience as you. He’s a muslims Imam and gay, having had to separate from his wife (after having three kids). You might be inspired by the way the kids see their dad.

    Kids are innocent. kids are truly free. Your son will love you no matter what. You need to shield him from our society’s hypocrisies.

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  10. Anonymous says:

    Devil mind,it seems you didn’t read what he wrote well. it is obvious each one has the choice and he anticipate that however he was Ok with father rather the son.. the comment was simply describing it.. so it could be twisted to you to see it but sad to say this is exactly the situation.. further explanation could be from aziz or any father… it is simply human nature.

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  11. Anonymous says:

    Aziz, I would like to thank you for posting your story and for advising gays not to get married. As a girl who was once in your wife;s situation, I can tell you she is living in hell , and maybe worse than you for a simple reason, which is that you know the problem but she doesn’t.
    when I knew about my ex, the first think I thought about is ilhamdulela I have no kids. Things would have been so different and harder.
    What I want to say is please people try to remember that we live in Jordan, an eastern muslim society, (assuming that the western do accept this, which I dont think), since when open marriages are acceptable? since when it is an option? and if it is for the sake of the child, what example are you giving the child for his future?
    and about her treating the situation secretively, do you deal with jordanian families? and not only the girls families but the men’s also. No seperation or divorce occur without explanation for the families, which in a way makes sense, since we don’t live apart from these families, so they deserve to know.
    I did my best to hide the issue from both families, but things slipped away.
    I think we have to be realistic in our expectations.
    Aziz, your wife is a victim, being honest might in a way raise yhour scores but dont expect her to act normally. there is no way that any married woman would expect that her husband is gay and accept it except for reasons that are out of hand.
    Give her the choice. because believe me, she will find out especially if you see someone.
    You should take responsibility for what you did.
    Try to be accepting of your wife’s reactions, because if this happened to me, if I felt that he felt sorry for what he put me through, things could have ended in a better way.

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  12. Fatima says:

    Hi Aziz,

    Thank you for sharing your story. I too was once in the position of your wife and I wanted to let you know how things went for us.

    My ex and I both come from conservative, def not Salafi or anything, but religious backgrounds. We didn’t do the dating thing, but were brought together more traditionally through our families. In getting to know him, I feel in love deeply; there seemed to be this vulnerability, this carefully hidden sadness about him that for some reason I found really appealing. I know now the whole I can save him complex that some of us women have was in full play here.

    Anyway, we married and soon after we moved to a western country to pursue our educations. I can say that I started seeing signs as early as our honeymoon. We were intimate, but even in my inexperience I realized that something seemed to be missing. I remember too at a restaurant there was a waiter that always bussed our table. He was really handsome and I noticed that my husband’s eyes always seemed to light up a bit when the waiter would come to our table. I later realised, after I found out, that my husband had never looked at me that way.

    You say your wife is living in hell and I can confirm she is. I didn’t know what was wrong and blamed myself 100%. I tried all kinds of things to attract my husband, but he only pulled away from me even more which increased my anxiety. I cried and I had really dark times when I wanted to die. My husband was suffering too, but he wouldn’t talk to me, so both just kind of sat there and rotted away inside.

    About our 2nd year of marriage, I began to suspect that something was going on. I thought it was maybe another woman and I found a romantic text one day on his fone and confronted him about it. It was like peeling an onion and the truth came piece by piece. Finally he made the big confession. The first two weeks after that were like death, I have to admit. I felt numb and then angry and then like stabbing myself just to get rid of the pain. I felt like he had deliberately set out to hurt me. I made him show me all the texts and phone records with this guy and afterwards I really wished I hadn’t done that. I saw all the little romantic texts and all the little 30 and 40 second phone calls that couples make just to hear each others’ voices and say I love you. All the things I was desperate for him to do for me he was doing for someone else. I felt like I walked into the bank and the teller told me someone had come in just before and emptied all my accounts, just completely cheated.

    We went into couples therapy for a year until it finally became clear that it wasn’t going to work. I couldn’t accept the idea of a sham marriage and he wasn’t comfortable with it either. We made plans to divorce and it was fortunate that we were far away from our families when all this happened.

    Telling our families was really bad, but you know what, Aziz, we survived it. Yes my mother called me sobbing with my sister and aunts wailing in the background asking me what I had done. Yes my brothers called to say they were going to fly over and beat my ex to death for offending my honor (no of course they didn’t actually do that). Yes, I received constant texts, emails and calls from friends, aunts and other relatives I hadn’t heard from in years all demanding me to tell them what happened and giving me advise on how to save my marriage (as if they had any idea what we were going through). But, as terrible as it was, we survived. Nobody died, the world didn’t end. We’re still here. I think we build things up so much in our minds that the thought of actually going through with it paralyses us But, when we actually do it and come out the other side we’re amazed at how we somehow managed to handle everything and come out in one piece.

    It’s been 2 years now since we divorced. I’ve come back to Jordan, my ex is still in the West. I would say that if you can take some distance from your family, even if it’s just moving to another city that will probably give you some of the breathing room you need. But, I am now beginning to realize that there is hope for me and that I can be happy again. No, my life isn’t perfect by our society’s standards, after all I’m a divorced woman and all. But, I’m finding there are ways to make life happen even if you happen to be “socially handicapped”. Don’t destroy two lives, Aziz. If your wife is mature and if she has any love for you left at all, she will try to work with you to bring this to the best end that can be possible.

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  13. Anonymous says:

    Fatima, how could u accept the idea? am going through the same situation now but i can’t forgive him? I can’t believe a word he says. he says he wants to try keeping up the marriage. I want to, but I can’t believe him. Do u have any adice?

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  14. ArabObserver says:

    Thank you Fatima.. that was a really touching story.. I am so sorry to know what you had to go through but so much happy that you were able to pull yourself out of it and be good again.. thank you for sharing it with us.. many others should read it🙂

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  15. Suleiman M. says:

    Fatima, I would love to say that you are an awesome woman for seeing that it is NOT the end of the world because you got divorced, and you are going after your second chance in life, I do wish you the very best, inshallah…

    Thank you for sharing your experience, and for letting anyone who’s going into such a marriage know how it might look like and what would they expect.

    The very best on your 2nd chance, and always look at the bright side, don’t let it get you, let it make you stronger🙂

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  16. Fatima says:

    Anonymous,

    It wasn’t easy to accept because it went against pretty much everything my culture and religious tradition taught me. I don’t know what you exact situation is, so I can’t give you specific advise, I can only say what happened in my case.

    My husband wanted to make it work too. He had a kind of love for me even if it wasn’t romantic love. Also, he felt bad about what he had done and wanted to make it up and of course he wanted to avoid the consequences of a divorce. But, what we found is that he simply could not love me in the way I needed to be loved, that is a straight man loves a woman.

    He found out in therapy that he really has no attraction to women at all. So all his efforts to be romantic, to be intimate felt forced and artificial because, well, they were. It was heartbreaking to accept the idea that it wasn’t going to work because we put our souls into trying to save the marriage. But, sometimes you have to accept reality and try to see around the terribleness of the present. I had to keep telling myself over and over that my life is not over just because of this. I’m young, I want to live and I’m going to, inshallah.

    Suleiman shukran for the compliment🙂 . I am trying not let it get me down. It hurts less now, but I can’t say I’m over it just yet. Living outside of Jordan for awhile really did open my horizons. I met other Arab women in the West who had been divorced, even divorced with kids but who managed to rebuild a life, a good life and not accept that they were just condemned to be the poor divorced woman forever. If I ruled the world I would require everyone to spend at least a year in culture completely different from their own. It makes you see that so many things that you and your neighbors think of as written in stone are really just one way of looking at things and not necessarily always the right way….

    One other thing I wanted to say is that I think we as Arab women really need to adjust the way we view and treat divorced people, especially divorced women. Almost every unkind, hurtful or petty comment I’ve ever gotten about my divorce has been from other women. If we would just support each other a little more, well I think it could make things alot easier.

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  17. Suleiman M. says:

    Don’t mention it, sara7a it is the least to be said, you are a strong woman🙂

    Don’t ever let it get you down, they say that time heals our wounds, but it is not the time, it is us and how we adapt to what causes such a pain, so just give yourself a bit more to adapt to it all…

    And to be honest I am glad that you were living outside and were able to see how other societies deal with everything from sexuality and keep going on, our defect is our society and the restricted mentality it has by it QUANTITIES, the new generation is a bit more out there and maybe, just maybe it can bring the change we need for people to understand such things a bit more and open their eyes to look through it and not at it!

    A Divorced woman for me is a woman who went into an experience in life and now is getting another chance to kick off with new goals and a better understanding of things, there’s nothing much I hate than these forced marriages and not to be able to know the one you’re getting married long enough… Marriage is a nice thing I am sure, but when it is done right between the right people…

    Have a Great new start Fatima…🙂

    and Fadi, I think I am taking over your topic with my replies and comment, AGAIN!! oops :$

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  18. Anonymous says:

    This is not realistic. I think you are all in elite. You are writing a blog about Jordan in english when they are people in Jordan cannot write even in arabic. How are they going to relate to your blog? Sure if you are in elite you can many things. you have libertys because you have money. But if you are poo r and in the village or in poor parts of Amman, what are you going to do? If you depend on your familiy and neighbor for work and house and food how can you say them I am gay? They will leeve you and you have no money no food you die! I wish you talk to these peoples who really have no choice and must stay hiden. What can they do, not just elite peoples??

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  19. Suleiman M. says:

    Anonymous, here you are against the topic being in English, yet your comment is clearly written in English🙂 and if you surf around this blog you can find a lot of Arabic topics!

    And when you refer to those who live in villages or poor parts of Amman, well, such people unfortunately lack the proper education that people in big cities get at schools, universities…etc but yet, such subjects are not being taught or introduced that often everywhere!

    And I am talking about myself here, I don’t come from a multimillionaire family nor own half of the globe but yet I do whatever I want, whenever I want, Wherever I want…

    Liberty doesn’t come with money! Liberty is your right as a human being, Liberty is connected with the society, your background, your everything… Liberty is a totally different topic that has no end to it… Liberty is NOT connected to your bank account!!

    And out of curiosity, what is the image of “elite” in your head?

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  20. Fatima says:

    Anonymous,

    The site has both English and Arabic articles as Suleiman mentioned.

    But to address your point, maybe some of us writing have advantages that the average villager or person from a poor neighborhood in Amman doesn’t have. But, I see a few points here, 1) People who have money and therefore don’t have depend on their families as much still face the social pressures that are being discussed here. Many rich people still do things like marry just to please their families and to look good to their communities. It’s not just a poor thing. 2) For those people who are poor, even they often don’t have to stay where they are. They almost always have some sort of option. It may be a really scary option (for instance leaving the family behind to live somewhere else where they can live their lives), but the option is there and believe it or not, there are people who take that option. It depends more on our character than our bank account as Suleiman mentioned.

    Write your reply in Arabic if you like. Translate Aziz and Jane’s stories into Arabic and pass them on so even people who don’t read English can read them and be inspired.

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  21. ArabObserver says:

    Anon, I try to write in both languages on this blog and have been writing more in Arabic recently for the same reason you are talking about. It is more because I know that such conversations should be tackled in Arabic because it is usually addressed in a very different and negative way in Arabic. That is why I have written my book Aroos Amman in Arabic. The story of Ali and Laila in the book, the gay man who get married to Laila and ended up cheating on her was the story who triggered this chain of posts. A woman called Jane search for me and sent me a letter on Facebook saying that she has gone through the same situation. She was nice enough to allow me to post her story. Her letter was in English and I posted it as it is. Consequently Aziz added his own story, the gay man side of story and his own struggle dealing with his own marriage. Fatima also found the blog and added her own touching story as well (I wonder if you Fatima read Aroos Amman?)

    It seems that this issue is widely spread and many other people are living this struggle because of the social rejection for gay people. Society pushed gay people to hide their sexuality and follow up the social norm of getting married and thus ending up in a fake relationship that keep both sides miserable. Both side are victims of a hypocrite society.

    Having said that, I do understand what are you talking about of people in rural area depending on their families and sometimes getting married and living with their wives in the big house of their parents. I am not sure how widely spread is that. I think that no one should come out to his parents if he isn’t financially independent. In the same line, if anyone is financially dependent on his parents, then he shouldn’t get married in the first place!

    On a side note, I don’t like the class talk. It is funny that I have never considered myself to be elite. I come from a middle class family. My parents have struggled to give us a decent education. I have a good job today but we as a family are still in debt.

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  22. I am glad reading Fatima’s replies. It is great that even people from traditional/religious backgrounds can adapt to complex situations that arise. It just goes on to show the flexibility of our experience as humans, despite all the resistance there is to deal with social issues.

    I conquer that Fatima is a good example of a strong resilient woman. And your advice for people to experience different cultures is spot on.

    The thing I consider remarkable is that your are a positive person who doesn’t always assume the worse outcome in a situation, neither the worse in people around you. Not many people can see light in a difficult situation. I am glad to see that honesty and cooperation lead to resolving the situation (though certainly not without some pain, but I am sure that the pain of not resolving the situation would have been greater).

    And for “elite” class issue. This problem is cultural, not financial. Sure, gay individual living in poor neighborhoods have little space to maneuver, but this does not mean that the effort to promote liberty is “elitist”, because if it gets good support and implemented, people of all classes are going to benefit from the outcome. Liberty is good for all.

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  23. Belle says:

    Assalamualaikum… Even though this post seems a bit outdated, but I just can’t help my fingers to pass over it. I do believe that everybody is Unique, and there’s nobody in this world ever understand, Why Allah made us differently. If we are willing to open our mind and our heart then we will reach a deeper understanding. There’s nothing got to do with class or financial status. It’s simply about how we reacted to the circumstances which will give us a chance to learning more about imperfection in a perfect frame. Honestly, I’m so touched with the letter above. The social and family values always used as the major problem by several people’s who refuses to open the opportunities to helps all of our brothers/sisters in need of helps. No one will be a victim, until you start to blame each other and more focus in to the problem rather than to find a solution. We need to adjust a bit our mindset in a marriage. Especially if we raised in conservative ways of thinking, definitely we need to changed. When it’s come to marriage, it’s not about who dominating who, also not about who having sex with who… sadly, not so many peoples are enlighten. It’s an old fashion way and we need to wake up, we are no longer living in the Stone Age where marriage is purely about multiplication and self domination behaviors. But it’s about sharing your life with each other’s, accepting the bad so you could support your partner to be a better person, treasuring the good, and compromise things to make it works. In your situation as a gay husband who live your life in hell, I totally understand the reason behind your decisions even though it’s not 100% right. I wish you could found a woman that able to be more than (WIFE) for you, the one who willing to cooperate with you on your way to jannah (inshaAllah) by protecting you from zina. Wait… What??! Yes, it’s not impossible to have a family without sexuals activities taking big part of your life. Let’s say your wife is lesbian or asexual, both of you built a family for the shake of Allah. And focus in doing the good things together and raising the kids together. Let’s say it’s a mutual understanding. But you should remember that in a relationship you need to put the honesty as the priority. I know there’s a price that should to be paid,but it’s better rather than a big disappointment by ruins both of your life’s. You need to be smart to find a suitable life partner, and the most important thing is being honest about your real condition, of course several approaches might be needed. One of the biggest obstacle in our society is the term of arranged marriage, Because the options are very limited(I’m not againts it though, it’s part of the culture, but as an open minded person, I think Everybody should have the rights to get involved in every decisions for their futures). If you have the freedom to marry a good woman by your own choice then you are lucky, at least there’s a hope of a light at the end of tunnel, the possibilities to find the suitable one is higher. Finally if there’s a woman that show you the signal of understanding, you can go further but you need to make sure you will do your best for her as well. If she can’t understand/accept your position, then you need to move on, at least you treat her as an equal person by respecting her choice with being honest at the first place. We can’t grow to be a better person without leaving our comfort zone. You need to stand up, respect and honesty are above everything. I hope there’s a way to educate people that “born as a gay/lesbian/asexual is not a sin until they comitted to zina”, And we don’t need to treat them harshly or unequally.

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