اصدقاء و لكن


اصبحنا اصدقاء في فترة قياسية, جمعتنا الفراغات بين الحاضرات في الجامعة و سكننا القريب. كنت اقرأ نظرات الاعجاب في عينيها, و كنت افرح للاهتمام الزائد التي الموجه لي. كانت تشعرني بالاهمية و تزيد غروري و ثقتي في نفسي و رجولتي. امضينا لحظات جميلة مع بعض, كنا نضحك لابسط الامور, نمضي لحظات جميلة دون تعقيدات العلاقات بين رجل و امرأة
بدأت تزداد زياراتها الى منزلي بحكم قرب المسافة بيننا. كانت تفاجئني في البداية عندما يرن جرس المنزل, ولكنني تعودت زياراتها المفاجئة بعد ذلك. زيارتها تلك تؤشر على تحررها, تعجبني لانني اعد حالي رجلا متحررا ايضا. احيانا اعجب بجرأتها عند زيارتي عند وجودي وحدي في البيت, و لكن مع الوقت اصبحت اعتبر الامر شيئا عاديا. لم يعد عندي فرق بين جنس الاصدقاء, فالصديق صديق بغض النظر عن جنسه. تحررت من نظرة المجتمع للعلاقة بين الجنسين و بدأت بأخذ الامور ببساطة اكثر
قي البداية, لم اكن استطع قراءة حركاتها و تلميحاتها. كنت اشعر بانجذابي نحوها و بانجذابها لي. تفاجئني بقدومها و انا بالشورت و الفانيلة. نجلس قرب بعض ندرس. تعلق على عضلات يدي, تستهزيء احيانا و تستفزني, استفزها فتقرصني. تبدأ الملامسة الجسدية و يزداد انجذابنا لبعضنا
اخاف قراءة حركاتها بشكل خاطيء, فنحن مهما كنا متحررين فاننا نعيش في مجتمع محافظ, و قراءة البنت من حركاتها عادة ما يوقع في الخطأ. فكم مرة حكمنا على بنات من لباسهم و مظهرهم لنتفاجأ بعفتهم الحنسية, و كم مرة اظهرت البنت تدينها و محافظتها لنتفاجأ بنفاقها بالسر؟ في الحقيقة لم اكن اريد ان اهينها بتلميحات جنسية لان اغلب البنات تأخذها كأهانة, ولم اكن اريد ان اهينها بلعب دور المغفل و اهانة انوثتها اذا كان ذلك ما ترغب به
كنت حذر, احاول ان اترك الطبيعة تأخذ مجراها. تبدأ هي في الحركشة, و اقابلها بالمثل, ازيد امن ناحيتي, فلا تمانع. سقطت مرة على الاريكة الطويلة, و سقطت فوقها. تسارعت نبضات قلبي, و ايقنت انها اللحظة المناسبة, فكم مرة تخيلتها بين يدي؟ كم مرة حلمت بتلك اللحظة ة خططت لها؟ استجمعت جرأتي و اقتربت منها. شعرت بتوترها ايضا. صمتت و نظرت في عيني. اقتربت اكثر و اكثر. لامس فمي شفتيها, التفت يدي حول رأسها, قبلتها, حاولت عدم اظهار عدم خبرتي في الموضوع, قلدت ما شاهدته في الافلام الجنسية, و تركت الطبيعة تأخذ مجراها
تطورت الامور بيننا, كنا نمارس الجنس على فترات متقطعة بحذر لكي لا تفقد عذريتها, ففي النهاية نبقى في مجتمع ذكوري, و لاندري ما يخبيء لنا القدر, فمهما كان تحررها و رغبتها في الزواج من رجل يشاركها افكارها و معتقداتها, فربما ساقها القدر لغرام شخص يقدس غشاء البكارة, ويحكم على عفتها منه
كنت منجذبا لها, ولكنني لم احببها. لم تصرح في حبها لي هيا ايضا. اختلفنا على شيء تافه, و خسرنا صداقتنا بعد وقت, لكنني الى اليوم احترمها و اشتاق لها
مع حبي,
اخو هيا
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The link between being gay and being creative


I have recently been entertaining myself with the idea of the linkage between gays and creativity. I discussed it with many people with different backgrounds and opinions, and I give it much though myself. In reality, there is a general notion – positive stereotype that is attached to gay people and link them to creativity.

Ofcourse generalizing among a set of people in any attribute whether it is positive or negative is prone to carry an amount of error. Stereotyping is a kind of generalization that is usually proved mistaken when measured upon individuals, but it can also carry some amount of truth for it doesn’t come up of no where.

I have found no real scientific studies/statistics that link homosexuality to creativity, but gays can be easily spotted in the creative industry locally and around the world. One would argue that creative industries are more tolerant for the differences of people, and thus gay people would find it easier coming out without hiding their sexual identities, but the observations of the numbers (which might be wrong) do indicate a larger ration of gay people in creative jobs than in society at large. A visit to a fashion house, advertising agency, or the faculty of art in a college might give a closer view.

Creativity itself is a wide concept. Wickipedia defines it as a mental process involving the generation of new ideas and concepts. Generation of new ideas is not limited on some considered to be creative industry. In every job, there is a space for creativity. People may shine anywhere. Claiming that only gay people are capable of being creative is absurd at least, but whether there a is correlation between the two attributes is something that is worth investigation.

A reasonable explanation of the creativity of gay people is that breaking the barriers of social rules that gay people has to go through in order to embrace their sexuality does leave them with no real boundaries that may limit their scope of thinking. Viewing society from a different perspective may be an advantage of a focal point for generation new ideas. Other non homosexual people who do break so social norms in a way or another are more likely to be creative than others who are limited with chains of inherited set of rules and ideas. It does explain the small ration of creative people in the Arab world compared to the western world for us trying to dictate every aspect of our lives through a set of rules attached to what we call our religion.

But does that explain the childhood emerged talents of creative people?

Some gay people prove their talent in their early childhoood before even realizing their sexuality and what does it mean. They show such talent without also having to break any social rule or defined constraint. I remember at the age of 10, one of my friends at school had the ability to draw a full features faces on the black board. I have no idea about his sexual orientation, but this is a living example of the emerging childhood talents.

Does childhood creativity indicates a genetic linkage? It may, and it may not. I sometimes wonder if there are a set of bundled genes that can come up togather which explains partially some stereotypes. I mean that there might be a linkage between a set of homosexual genes along of a set of creativity genes that may explain the attachment of gay people to creativity.

A simple reasoniong came from a religious view of a friend of mind: God takes something and gives something else instead, like having handicapped people being smart!

The explanation might sound offensive for gay people, as they don’t consider their sexual orientation a shortage that requires a compensation from God, and while there might be some smart handicapped people, it is absurd to generalize among them all. Still the notion of a bundled genes appears instinctly in such claim.

One other aspect that is worth mentioning here is the reasoning of the feminine side of gay men and the attachment of femininity to creativity. Claiming that gay men are more attached to their feminine side than straight men. While scientific studies proved some difference between the gay and straight brains, linking it to femininity is arguable. Besides, the whole argument is easily bounced by the amount of creative men through the history of humanity. How many of them were gay? That is impossible to prove.

Whether there is a link between being gay and being creative is arguable. Positive stereotyping may encourage more and more gay people to be more creative. Believing in something is a first step of achieving it. It is encourageable to positive stereotype oneself in order to get better achievments. Whether you are gay or not, positive stereotyping can be good for you, and does help your creative side shine.

Happy 30 birthday for me



Wooohooo, so I finally reached 30! It has been a long 10 years of being in my 20s! Started with good times at the university, then the struggle of finding a decent job and desperate unsucceful adaptation to long working hours, and finally to the slight maturity that comes with age at the end of my 20s.

Yes, some signs of age started to show up, some white hair here and there, a small bald started taking over my head, and a new wrinkle pops up around my eyes every couple of days, but all in all is good. I like some changes, they are gently appearing, no agressive attitude yet and they are accompanied with more self confidence, a better perception of life, and a growing happiness and appreciation of life.

It is my first time reaching 30. I never done it before as far as I remember – unless my previous incarnations hide it from my perception -. It is cool that human beings have the ability to measure the changes happening to them through the years. I am not sure if this is just me or not, but I really feel that my adulthood didn’t started when I reached my 18, my teenage started in my mid 20s, and I just recently started feeling being an adult! Maybe 18 is a bit exaggerating, but 21 sounds good for a mental age.

30 must be a good age, Jesus started his mission when he reached 30. That must says something. I heard that in heaven we all end up to be 32 years old, that tells something as well, right? It is the combination of youth and the start of maturity. A good enough strength along with a big ambition. Big dreams to take on the next coming years of my life at a time I realized that I am in full control and better awarnace of what I really want.

I wonder what my 30s are hiding for me, and ready to explore the exciting possibilities that are coming ahead. My life has been growing better every day, and my level of happiness has only been moving up each day. I look forward for more and more good days, and more and more ideas and experiences to share it with you guys.

Thank you all for being a part of my life. Each one adds a color to the picture of my life that makes it a real beautiful art work.

وجدانيات


وجدانيات
لطالما تمنيت أن يطول بك العمر و تمد لك الأيام ذراعيها لتعيش أكثر و ليكون لنا حباَ أكبر
في الخريف الفائت قبل خمسة عشر عاماَ كنت قد وعدتني بباقة زهر تجمعها من حكايا عشناها معا
قليلة تلك الأيام التي كانت تجمعنا وحيدين من غير سوء
في كل ثلاثاء من كل أسبوع انقضى بعد رحيلك، أمارس طقوسي …أحجز لك بقربي مقعدا…َ نلتقي معاَ ، نتناجى، أبكي و تمسح لي دموعي، أرى يديك تمتد نحوي من الغيب… أحضنك و أغفو على صدرك … أحكي لك و تشكو لي بعدك عني، أقرئك بعض ما كتبت عنك، تتحمس له، و تعدني بنشره.
أجهز فنجان القهوة كالمعتاد، أعرف أنك لا زلت تشربها بدون سكر، سيجارتك ، بعض الحلوى التي كنت تعشقها ،( بسكويت اليانسون صنع يدي) و كومة الجرائد.
و نقرأ معاَ و نتحدث قليلاَ ثم تتذكر أنك لم تقبلني مع أنك تكون قد فعلتها للمرة العاشرة
تمر الساعات و نحن على جلستنا هذه … تودعني لتمر على الجريدة و أعدك بغداء فاخر عند العودة
أنتظر
أعد المائدة لي و لك فقط
أعرف أن الصبايا الثلاث سيفرحهن ذلك و إن كن مشغولات عنا بزخم الأحلام
أتخيل حضورك فرحأ تقبلني و تحصي علي عددها… الألف بعد المليون…. لو أنك عشت أكثر لدخلت كتاب غينيس لقائمة الأزواج الأكثر تقبيلاَ لزوجاتهم
و تلوح لي ضحكتك الجميلة التي تظهر أسنانك
ما زالت تلك الضحكة و تلك الصورة مسندة على جدار بيت لم تسكن فيه سوى أشهر قليلة مملوؤة بالحزن
لا أريد أن استرجع معها وجعك و ترحالك و خروجك الأخير
أريد أن أحتفظ باحلى ما لدي من ذكريات كنا نعيشها في أول بيت سكناه و زيناه برسوم كثيرة و دالية زرعتها في ركن الحديقة تيمناَ بدالية والدتك التي أدركها اليباس بعد رحيلها.
تأتيني غفوة صغيرة أسمع فيها دندنة لأغية
مش زي الملايكة …. و لا فيك من البشر …. أنت أكيد من عالم تاني ملوش أثر
تيقنت أنك كذلك….فمثلك لا يطيل البقاء
و أدركت… إن الله عند ما يحتاج ملائكة ينتقي أطيب البشر و أنقاهم
These are the words of a woman who spent the last 15 years of her life taking care of her husband who was sick of Al Zehaimar. Despite all the pain she and him had to go through. After all those years, she still remembers the details of their love. She misses his talk, she misses his kisses, and now she misses his spirit.
Her husband, Bader Abdel Haq was a brilliant writer. His soul filled her body when he left his. She recently found an emerged need for writing. She started a new blog to voice out the turmoil of feelings inside of her. Is it pain that triggered those beautiful versus out of her heart, or is it Bader talking with her?
Check out Aunt Sallama’s new blog here: http://sallamah.maktoobblog.com/1068775
Her words made me cry! This is the kind of love that make me realize how human feelings can be sacred.

Do you think I am ugly?


I am not short, I am not fat, I am not white and I am not ugly!

Recently, I have gladly met some people who do read my blog. Some of them do comment often (Whatever, and Farah), and others just read in silence (Yara :)).

Whatever turned to be a really nice guy, and we became good friends in no time. I never imagined the guy always jumping on my throat, correcting me when possible, or making a cynical comment would just pop up at Licky Licious with a friend of mind, and ending up to be a dear friend himself.

Whatever and Yara used to think that I am ugly through their reading to my blog! I have no idea where I imply my looks in my writings! hehehe. I am sure they changed their minds after meeting me in person 😛

Farah came to Licky Licious the other day, she is a sweet girl. She asked me if I am the owner of the shop and I said yes. She asked me if I am the Observer. I said yes. I am not sure if she expected an uglier man or not, but it was nice meeting her.

So guys, what are your impressions about me? Do

Age and personal achievements


“Just because you hit your 60s, it doesn’t mean your brain starts to power down. Just the opposite. Your noodle needs more stimulation than ever, and, finally, you have the time to supply the required intellectual input.” more of the yahoo article

What I want to talk about is not the retirement plan of the yahoo article that I quote here, it is the introduction of the article that caught my attention and the age behaviour expectation/restriction we have in our society.

We suffer from a beraucratic procedures at work market where higher levels jobs are mostly based on the years of experience of a person in a certain field. Add to that, the compulsory – non chosen – field of study for most of us. People end up stuck in a field that they don’t like just to keep on moving up the scale of their career path that is based on their past experience.

While I understand that experience is important (no one can deny that an experienced personel can do a better job than unexperienced one), I believe that it is overrated in Jordan. I mean think about it, how much does it take for a person to learn a certain job? I bet that in a 6 months period time, anyone can learn any new thing and start being productive regardless of the complexity of the task at hand.

What does really matter here is the passion you have for your job. Unfortunatly that is a far away concept in our society. Making money is what matters, and experience is that key! We are not aware that a person with passion can excel in his field much better than one who doesn’t and regardless of the years of experience.

People’s interests and desires change over time. A new skill comes up, a new talent emerge, a passion for something grow up. In the current system we have, most people find it hard to let go what they have built and start all over again as an entry level in a market that values experience the most.

Recently we are seeing a lot of private and public organization supporting local talents in various fields. The British Council Chevening scholarship for a master’s degree is limited to people up to the age of 35. Fulbright scholarship has the same age limitation. Various scholarship in the market targets our youth.

It is good to see such support for our young talents, but what about older guys? What about older people who never really had the chance to fill their fully potential? What about those people who are stuck in a career that is not for them?

I understand that a younger person has a better chance of getting the best out of a scholarship than a middle age one because of the time remained ahead of him, but, really how many years are needed for a person to excel? Two? People in the right place can shine in less!

While it is fear that strangles all of us in the bondage of society norm and expectations. Breaking it up is what sets us free to fly the heights of our true potentials.

And no, age is no restriction. I can achive in my 70’s what I failed to achive now. Just watch me!