اصدقاء و لكن


اصبحنا اصدقاء في فترة قياسية, جمعتنا الفراغات بين الحاضرات في الجامعة و سكننا القريب. كنت اقرأ نظرات الاعجاب في عينيها, و كنت افرح للاهتمام الزائد التي الموجه لي. كانت تشعرني بالاهمية و تزيد غروري و ثقتي في نفسي و رجولتي. امضينا لحظات جميلة مع بعض, كنا نضحك لابسط الامور, نمضي لحظات جميلة دون تعقيدات العلاقات بين رجل و امرأة
بدأت تزداد زياراتها الى منزلي بحكم قرب المسافة بيننا. كانت تفاجئني في البداية عندما يرن جرس المنزل, ولكنني تعودت زياراتها المفاجئة بعد ذلك. زيارتها تلك تؤشر على تحررها, تعجبني لانني اعد حالي رجلا متحررا ايضا. احيانا اعجب بجرأتها عند زيارتي عند وجودي وحدي في البيت, و لكن مع الوقت اصبحت اعتبر الامر شيئا عاديا. لم يعد عندي فرق بين جنس الاصدقاء, فالصديق صديق بغض النظر عن جنسه. تحررت من نظرة المجتمع للعلاقة بين الجنسين و بدأت بأخذ الامور ببساطة اكثر
قي البداية, لم اكن استطع قراءة حركاتها و تلميحاتها. كنت اشعر بانجذابي نحوها و بانجذابها لي. تفاجئني بقدومها و انا بالشورت و الفانيلة. نجلس قرب بعض ندرس. تعلق على عضلات يدي, تستهزيء احيانا و تستفزني, استفزها فتقرصني. تبدأ الملامسة الجسدية و يزداد انجذابنا لبعضنا
اخاف قراءة حركاتها بشكل خاطيء, فنحن مهما كنا متحررين فاننا نعيش في مجتمع محافظ, و قراءة البنت من حركاتها عادة ما يوقع في الخطأ. فكم مرة حكمنا على بنات من لباسهم و مظهرهم لنتفاجأ بعفتهم الحنسية, و كم مرة اظهرت البنت تدينها و محافظتها لنتفاجأ بنفاقها بالسر؟ في الحقيقة لم اكن اريد ان اهينها بتلميحات جنسية لان اغلب البنات تأخذها كأهانة, ولم اكن اريد ان اهينها بلعب دور المغفل و اهانة انوثتها اذا كان ذلك ما ترغب به
كنت حذر, احاول ان اترك الطبيعة تأخذ مجراها. تبدأ هي في الحركشة, و اقابلها بالمثل, ازيد امن ناحيتي, فلا تمانع. سقطت مرة على الاريكة الطويلة, و سقطت فوقها. تسارعت نبضات قلبي, و ايقنت انها اللحظة المناسبة, فكم مرة تخيلتها بين يدي؟ كم مرة حلمت بتلك اللحظة ة خططت لها؟ استجمعت جرأتي و اقتربت منها. شعرت بتوترها ايضا. صمتت و نظرت في عيني. اقتربت اكثر و اكثر. لامس فمي شفتيها, التفت يدي حول رأسها, قبلتها, حاولت عدم اظهار عدم خبرتي في الموضوع, قلدت ما شاهدته في الافلام الجنسية, و تركت الطبيعة تأخذ مجراها
تطورت الامور بيننا, كنا نمارس الجنس على فترات متقطعة بحذر لكي لا تفقد عذريتها, ففي النهاية نبقى في مجتمع ذكوري, و لاندري ما يخبيء لنا القدر, فمهما كان تحررها و رغبتها في الزواج من رجل يشاركها افكارها و معتقداتها, فربما ساقها القدر لغرام شخص يقدس غشاء البكارة, ويحكم على عفتها منه
كنت منجذبا لها, ولكنني لم احببها. لم تصرح في حبها لي هيا ايضا. اختلفنا على شيء تافه, و خسرنا صداقتنا بعد وقت, لكنني الى اليوم احترمها و اشتاق لها
مع حبي,
اخو هيا

22 thoughts on “اصدقاء و لكن

  1. This is such an interesting post and great breakdown on how one thing leads to anohter- it’s also amazing how honest you are. I wonder how many are out there who have the same experience but never admit.It’s great that you still respect her after all this as well

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  2. Moon says:

    Honestly, I thought this is a porno story or something like that,,,I don’t get the point, are you trying to say that you are liberal ?

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  3. I m not so much a fan of stories, but this was a good visualization of liberated relationships…I am an advocate of eliminating the double standards in same sex, and opposite sex relationships. But it seems that that guy failed in that aspect due to being conditioned to have double standards from his experiences in his environment.

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  4. That double standard of how actions and reactions are interconnected, and how their consequences follow.Thats to say, if a guy friend behaves in a certain manner, the person reacts one way, and if a girl friend behaves in that same manner, the person reacts in a different way.Thats a double standard!

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  5. whatever says:

    No… these are not double standards… if a guy fell on the couch he would not have fallen over him and kissed him… the situation is completely different… and that is not called double standards… that is called different circumstances.

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  6. I understand the uniqueness of circumstances… But let me give you a better example -from The Observer’s story-, the guy says: Her visits indicated that she was liberated. See the shallowness?! A visit indicates that a person is liberal?! Would a guy visiting another guy make you think he is liberal?! Thats a double standard!! A person being pro gay might indicate a liberal, supporting feminism might indicate a liberal, but visiting a person at his place?! Thats the first time I hear its an indication of a liberal!Thats just one double standard in the story!

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  7. XZeeR says:

    well i might aswell through it if everyone trying to be ” classy ” , screw u and ur liberated minds..take care

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  8. Arima, I am glad you find it interesting. I am not being honest here as it is somehow fictional story that I made up and meant to reflect what really happens.Moon, have you ever watched porn before? This is far from it. My point is to reflect reality.DM, I don’t think that the guy is applying double standard here. It still no very accepted for a woman to visit her male friend at his house in our society. When a woman does so regardless what others may say about it, she is partially liberated in my opinion, isn’t she?Besides, the guy in the story has nothing to do with my stand about gays. Although consider a woman liberated and having a stand for homosexuality is totally two different things.bashar, hehehe, ah akho haya😛, and yes it does reflect reality.xzeer, what is ur problem?

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  9. As I said earlier, there is a conditioning by our environment to have double standards. Friends visit their friends, thats the most natural thing to do! What kind of friend would not visit his friend?! So why is she being praised for something that she should be doing anyways?!So as you can see, something that is a given in any normal relationship is now being considered an “extra”!!<>“It still no very accepted for a woman to visit her male friend at his house in our society.”<> – Thats exactly my point. The guy is using the society standards to grade his personal relationships. So he is borrowing the double standard… Not diminishing it!

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  10. whatever says:

    DM>>Are you serious??!You have to have a point of reference, this guy’s point of reference is, very understandably, is the society he lives in… Drinking is considered liberal in Jordan, not in France.Supporting gay rights and feminist movements is considered liberal in Jordan or the US, not the Netherlands. Going to Church every sunday is considered fanatic in France, not in Romania. Visiting a guy at his place by a female is considered liberal in Jordan, not France. This is not double standards, this is simply a guy judging things for what they are… and using a very sound system of labeling things as liberal or not, which is his society.

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  11. Well, I am serious.Maybe the reference might change from one place to another. But the double standard is that there are two references, one for the girls, another for the boys… Besides, who said that society is a good reference!! Is it just because it is acceptable that a man kills his daughter in Jordan, that killing your daughter is fine?!Society is a bad reference, and an intelligent person would have his own reference. Thats individualism for you!And I personally choose that visiting your friend is a minimum thing that you would do in a friendship. And that for both guy friends and girl friends. It just don’t work for me to have a distant friend, that visiting them would be a big deal!For God’s sake, I visit my friends almost daily. We even sometimes eat together, clean the house together, and sometimes cook together. And then, all of a sudden, I get a friend with whome a visit is too much to ask?! This does not compute!!

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  12. DM, sadly this is the situation! While it is the least a friend can do is visiting another friend, opposite sex friendship still has limitations in our society. A girl crossing those boundaries is considered liberal, not say that it is an advantage or making a double standard judgement, but that is what she is when she crosses the lines that are set by the society she is in. A man can’t be considerd liberal by visiting his male friend in Jordan! It is just how things are in our society.

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  13. whatever, a university doctor once told us: “Weak people are influenced by their society, great people influence their society” – I suggest you consider taking a break at some times, and think of what you believe in. Thats what I do! Don’t be lead, be a leader!

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  14. Yes, but the point is that this double standard has extended to the personal life of people (like the guy in the story)! Yes, society might have double standards, but this does not mean we should embrace those double standards in our personal lives. Thats my point!

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  15. DM, it is kind of a tricky argument here. I realize what you are saying, but still the guy can’t describe such woman away of the social boundaries, but yet giving his own opinion. I think adding the liberal label in the story is good, because it does give an indication to the status and expected behaviour of women in our society which is kind of my aim in writing this post.

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  16. I am an advocate of eliminating the double standards in same sex, and opposite sex relationships. ********************************shanmarshSocial Media Marketing – 868548704.99088< HREF="http://www.widecircles.com" REL="nofollow">widecircles<>

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