I got engaged!

The nightmare has vanashed
The knight in the shining armor appeared
And saved me from the horror people built around me
The horror of time
The horror of continuous nagging
Unshameful questions
and sympathic looks

Anything new with you?

YES Moron
Just look at my finger

(Engagement rings should be placed in the middle finger,
so that to raise it up to the faces of people who deserve it)

Anything new with you?

I no longer have to bend my head in embarassement and wish that my ‘No’ answer would trigger another shameful question: *Why?*
It just didn’t happen!
And I no longer have to explain for the 10000th time that I won’t compromise for the freak you think I should marry just because I am approaching my late 20s!

So here I am, a gold medal winner
A winner who waited for the right man
And hit the jackpot

My patience has paid
My life turned upside down
In a single night

From a single woman that is ruled by the laws of friendships
to an engaged woman ruled by the traditions of families
and the expectations of the future husband

A new priority emerged in my life
A priority that forms the base of my future life
and in which I have to take care of and protect

And while I know it can be a literal kidnap from my friends arms
This is a kidnap that I expect them to respect and adapt to.

So what if I have to make some slight changes in my life style to cater the needs of my future husband
Even if I have to give up some things for him
It is a small price to pay for moving up to the front seat of society’s podium

It is all about me now
and my friends have to adjust to the new reality
(I am finding a hard time coping with the new nature of my relationships to everyone myself)

I know you will understand
and slowly we will all adjust to the new circumstances


23 thoughts on “I got engaged!

  1. haya says:

    🙂hey finally haya got engagedu are the sweetest best friend in my life,and u know that:)i will not forget the sweetest ten years and it will be memories that i spend it with not my friends my brothers:)thanks sweet


  2. Haitham says:

    Haya, this may sound a bit dramatic! but i will miss you!😦 and u have no idea how much!we grew better& closer friends in the past year or so and i realy realy love you!🙂I wish u all the best of luck, and u’ll always be my sweeto Haya😀 I’ll always remember our gossips, great times we spent togather and the best memories!🙂ill miss you alooooooooooot! i will!love you… xxx


  3. Haya,I totally admire the fact that you haven’t bought into the marriage culture our society imposes upon us, even while/after getting engaged! ahhh..don’t tell me about it! I’ve been away from Jordan for two years and am visiting this summer. I’ve already received dozens of phone calls from aunts, uncles, relatives, and friends informing me about suitor X or suitor Y.. From the way they pressure me I feel as if they’re telling me, this is the time, you seize it or lose it! Efffftttt, this is sickening! For God’s sake, i want to go have a relaxing, stress free summer in which i unwind from the exhausting two years i had while working on my graduate degree, which i’ll be back to finish up during the next two years. I pretty much want to keep MYSELF my one and only priority for the time being, and so, ive recently developed a hostile attitude whenever any of them approach me via a phone call.. all what they get from me are two words, sod off!


  4. haya, that is very sweet from you to say. I wont forget those memories as well. Wish you the best always🙂Haitham, shoo hal drama hay😛. We’ll miss her for sure🙂Summer, thanks🙂Secratea, allah yebarek feeke. It is really bad how people pressure women into marriage. Don’t listen to anyone. Just wait for the right person to come, and he will most definatly come in no time🙂Qwaider, la2 ma ra7 t7el 3ankom😛. Fictional Haya will always be here, manifested in different women😉


  5. So, who on the face of earth was Heya? lolI totally missed the fact that she’s a fictional character you created as a means to offer certain social criticism through a female filter… allow me to congratulate you for totally perfecting it!


  6. secratea,🙂, thank you! It does make me happy to hear this. Haya does wear the lives of female characters around me. She acts like different women and live their experiences and voice their fears and dreams🙂


  7. yasaminatdimashq says:

    Ya raito alf mabrouk🙂 3an jad it is a different feeling when a girl gets engaged, you feel inno “kheles elna2, yuppiiii”😉 Yalla bokra bibalsho “emta el3oros?” hehe


  8. I really do not know what to say, I just read the dialog, Fadi it is amazing…..U know 7aseet b kalamak deep in my hart, same things happened for me before when I left my home, my friends, my memories and came here, it is very hard for both sides I mean Haya and u all her friends, it is very hard to leave everything all memories all people we spend great time with them and just go, but at the end it is the life and everybody may do this it is really (Kadar), but believe me u (haya`s friends) and Haya ( O.) will never for get all nice and stupid things u did together, I hope that u can skip this stage and look forward to the future u r going to miss her and then will meet her and meet her children and life will go on🙂


  9. Haitham says:

    Haya, having kids!😀thats gonna be interesting and i cant wait…!🙂woohoo mommy haya! love youuuuuu!🙂


  10. Fadi,I’ve been silently but religiously reading your blog over the past few weeks. I read “the Jordanian Spinster” the concept of which, despite the lack of a good ending, I found very interesting. Unless the cynicism escaped me, I find this blog degrading to women, talking about a nightmare, for someone who advocates the right of living a decent single life for women, I find this mind boggling. Explain to me whether you actually do agree with the societies point of view or not. To be honest what really struck me in your blog is the statement “It is a small price to pay for moving up to the front seat of society’s podium”, isnt this the same podiom you so very passionately oppose of??? I honestly do hope that your blog was completely cynical, otherwise, I am deeply disappointed.


  11. Jomana says:

    Is it a nightmare to be single? Peoples’ nagging maybe a nightmare, but being single certainly isn’t! Girls are not to be ashamed either they should be strong enough to answer people back when asked about there single status. “Being a Bachelorate”. YES I AM SINGLE.What I don’t get is should all women be looking for the night and charming armor?! & should all men be looking for the “nightess” in charming armor? LOL.Should all women cater for men? They could create a wife’s catering classification system like those of hotels 4 or 3 stars LOL.But Haya did win because she didn’t give in to men she didn’t fall for because of society’s pressure, time or age. She waited for Mr. right and I am proud of her and wish her all the luck and happiness in the world.


  12. pretty rozy, thank you. I am glad those words touched you. You are right, we will always have those memorize and remember each other🙂Tala, she will, ishallah😛quing, 3o2balak🙂Fawzi ya Fawzi, first I want to welcome you to my blog and let you know that it does make me happy to know that you have been religously following my writings for a while now.Secondly, I want you to know that I am in no way voice opinions degrading to women. In the contrary I am all for women freedom and independence. The truth is that society does impose a certain amount of social pressure on women to get married. (I oppose that completly) It is like a nightmare for them facing all that pressure and trying to prove themselves. “It is a small price to pay for moving up to the front seat of society’s podium”This came out from Haya (a fictional female character that resembles many Jordanian women doing the same). While I don’t like the changes women do in their lives in order to please their future husbands, I understand the compromises some may choose to take. Hope that explains my stand, does it?Jomana, exactly, it is people’s pressure is the nightmare here and their expectations of women. Haya did waited for the right guy, but I know a lot of other women who did grab the man who passed on their way just to seize what they fear to be their last chance! It is the value of marriage in society that should be addressed, and while women are entitled to stand up for themselves, I do sympathize with those who just follow in the flow🙂


  13. Fadi,I am afraid that the image I have of you is changing from that – I wouldn’t say a women’s rights advocate, but someone who gives a ****- into someone who actually does believe that a woman needs to be married to fulfill her role in society. I am in no way against the foundation of marriage, on the contrary, I think it is a beautiful thing, but I am against double standards in our society that would regard a man not getting married a playboy and marginalize that because it is ok for a man to choose to be single and fool around, while a woman would be immediately discarded as a spinster or dare I say a S***.Statements in your blog such as “engagement rings should be placed in the middle finger” and “shameful question: *Why?*” gave me the impression that you think that this is the only way for a woman to answer the society back, and an answer for *why?* should simply be: because I haven’t found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, or simply just because I don’t want to! This btw is my opinion for both men and women. “A gold medal winner”, “hit the jackpot” if that is what you think marriage is, I’m pretty sure you don’t know many married people🙂.Yes I do agree that when you get married your priorities will change, even more so when you have children, but compromises should be done for the sake of making a successful marriage rather than “to cater the needs of my future husband, Even if I have to give up some things for him”Taking divorce rate into consideration, and the intolerance with which divorced women are treated in our society, if I was a woman, I would pick being independent and single over being an Ammani Divorcée’ anytime. It is an even bigger issue when you take domestic violence into consideration. Quote: “Women may file a complaint in court against their spouses for physical abuse; however, in practice familial and societal pressures discouraged them from seeking legal remedies. Spousal rape is not illegal. The NGO Jordanian Women’s Union maintained a telephone hotline for victims of domestic violence, but the extent of the problem remained widespread. During the year the PSD Family Protection Unit reported and investigated cases of sexual assault and domestic violence. Spousal abuse is technically grounds for divorce, but husbands may seek to claim religious authority to strike their wives.” End quote. Source http://www.state.gov/g/drl/rls/hrrpt/2007/100598.htm I hope the male oriented world in which we live would someday evolve past this and regard women, in all aspects of life and society, to be at least equal to men. I say this here because yes I am disappointed to see this post on your blog Fadi, which is one I regarded as tolerant and supporting of women’s rights.I apologize for the long commment, but this is something I feel very strongly about.Fawzi


  14. Fawzi, I am not sure if you are disappointed for the wrong reasons or not. I agree with you, with each point you present. I can’t argue otherwise here and I havent said otherwise in my blog. You should be aware that this is Haya who is talking. A woman who has been dealing with social pressure and the continuous questions and nagging on her to get married. A woman, like a lot of other women in our society who do still have to abide with certain rules that they don’t want to break and be marginalized. It is actually a nightmare what we impose on these women. And it is actually a win in the perception of a lot of women. I want to ask you something here, just go around you and read this post to your female friends, and ask them how much truth is there in Haya’s talk and their life. Let me know what they say.


  15. Fawzi says:

    That was quick!!🙂 Again Fadi, this is something I feel very strongly about. The women I know do not want to be pittied by the men of the society, but rather supported. If Haya is a fictional character, I think it is safe for me to assume that you voice your opinions regarding women through her. Otherwise (if Haya is a real person) my discussion should be with her. I am glad to hear that you agree with all the raised points, that means something, but your post certainly did not convey that msg, at least not to me.


  16. Fawzi,🙂, I can also as well show the struggle, fear, and emotions a women go through. Haya is a different woman in different posts. She may say things that I don’t agree with depending from where she is coming from and her current situation🙂See, women need our support, and that is what Haya is asking her friends for. Some support for her new situation, eventhough she might give somethings up. For her, it is better than the continuous social pressure. And for me, I dont think anyone can blame her for that. She might as well be tired of fighting, and have every right to look out for her future life.


  17. Jomana says:

    Haya is a confusing character between being real and fictional  the jumping between both has me confused! Either way not one character can represent all women wither its Haya or Salma? There are many more …..I myself cannot find myself represented in either…Your writings are interesting and I hope you can address a wider broader rang of women’s thoughts in the future….


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