I am really enjoying the ideation workshop training of the RFC. Yesterday I had to stay awake till 2 in the morning in order to re-write my first act and coming up with materials for my second act.
One of the advices the lecturer gave us is making our main character writing a letter for us before writing the script. Yesterday I was so busy and ignored the advice. Today I will try to do it here on my blog.
I am so sick of my life. No matter how much I do, I am never good enough to society. So what if I am a single woman in my mid 30’s? I do have my own career, and I work as hard as anybody else. I have even been a good support for my parents for the past couple of years while my siblings all got married and moved on with their new families and their new responsibilities.
Is it my fault that Mr. right didn’t come and propose to me? Is it my fault that I abide to the social restrictions of not being a proactive woman and run after men to secure a future husband? Is it my fault that i refused getting married to the few men – I felt nothing to – and which came with their mothers to evaluate how good of a woman I am?
And now, mother says that she is worried on me, worried to a degree of pushing me towards marrying a 60 years old man who has only buried his wife 40 days ago! Men can’t live without a woman! Is that an explanation a sane mother give to her daughter?! and am I that old where my chances of finding a man to love has shrunk to the degree of being asked to appreciate getting a shadow of a man?! A shadow that is better than the shadow of my room’s wall as in the arabic proverb!
And then there is this motherly need inside of me which makes me cry whenever I see a little kid. I became obsessed with my little nephews and nieces! How fair it is to live the rest of my life without hearing someone calling me mother! I can’t get custody of a child because I am single. Do I have to prostitute myself to a face husband in order to become a mother?!
and would I end up spending my old days lonely as a bitter woman knowing that my only sin has been being true to myself and to my family!
When will Amman start respecting her daughters? When will women become completly valuable for themselves without having to have a man by their side! When can I take control of my own life without the interferance of everysingle person I know?!
I protected their honor. I played with their rules. I worked hard in silence to make everyone happy, and yet never been good enough. Enough is enough, and the virgin 35 years old bride refused to be lead to her doom. The blood I have saved for my wedding night will cover my wedding gown, it will cover the mountains of Amman, and the scream of a spinster would ring in your ears my lovely city for I sacrifice myself for you to wake up and be gentle on my sisters