I am the kind of woman that no matter how many times my boyfriend tells me that he loves me, I still want to hear it more and more. And no matter how much he shows affection and love, and how much he takes care of me, I still have this weird need of hearing him say it, the magical word: Love you.
Even when he does so, I like to emphasize on what he means by loving me and explore the dimensions of his love and analyse it in every possible way. Do you love me for my body or for my mind? I ask him over and over again – which can be a very tricky question that I am, myself, not sure what I want the answer to be.
In school, they taught us to cherish the platonic love through Arabic old poems. In Arabic it is more of virginic-love (7ob 3ozri) – exuse my translation – and is not related to Plato as in English. What is interesting is that while checking out wikipedia’s page of platonic love, there seem to be some question mark on the nature of platonic love that is highlighted at a point of time where homosexuality was at the center of the Greek culture.
Jamil Buthaynah the Jahili Arabic poet (pre-Islam poet), and where his name got attached with Buthayna the woman he loved and flirted with in his poem. He got famous for his love for Buthaynah and his platonic poems describing her beauty and his love for her. Now with the Plato vague link to homosexuality, it makes me wonder about Jamil’s love for Buthayna, and why was it platonic at an erra of time pre-Islam where sex was not considered to be a bad thing in Arabia?
So because of some cultural infleuences and school teaching, I have always considered a platonic love a good thing, and always wanted a man to love me for my mind. At least that is what I have been trying to convince myself with and stating in public while discussing it with other people. In truth, what I really want, is a man, who LOVES me for my body. I don’t want a man to tell me that I am smart or intellectual. I want one who would tell me: You are BEAUTIFUL.
No matter how shallow this might sound, what makes me happy is to have someone who loves me for my looks. (I am a woman and don’t have to explain myself).
But then, I want my man to love me for the person I am as well, and thus, I carry on with my questions to my boyfriend: What if I go through a sex change operation and end up with a man’s body? Would you still love me?
Ofcourse he CANT answer no. He has to love me as a whole, and now trying to manuver at the deep end of things, my body should not be the base of our love! We all know the our bodies detoriorate with time, which means that if our love is based on bodies, then it would detoriorate with time as well (No?), and we don’t want that either, do we?
Technically if I am to do the sex change operation and become a man, do I really want my boyfriend to still be attracted to me? Doesn’t that make him slightly bi-sexual? and I don’t want him to be that? or it would be okay as long as he keeps on loving me no matter the sex of my body? or are love and sexual attraction two different concepts that are not related to each other?
Then again, thinking about it rationally. I don’t think that it is fair to ask him to keep his love for me if am I to change my sex. He loves me now the way I am, and if I changed, then I become a different person, and he doesn’t have to love a different person? On the other hand, we change every single minute, and in 10 years, I would be a different person! If we are to commit into a marriage, he should commit to love me no matter how much I change! (even if I became a dracula?).
Actually what I really want to is the kind of love in the movie P.S. I love you. The guy loved his woman unconditionally, and while being in his death bed, he planned everything to help her go through the transition of losing him, and in which included her to get to date and have sex with other men so that she would carry on with her life. He wrote to her: You were my entire life, but I am just a beautiful phase of yours.
I wonder how many Arab men are ready to let their wives more on with their lives when they pass away? How many young widowed women stay single for the rest of their lives for the sake of their dead husbands? whom if they really loved them, would want them to move on.
It is good to acknowledge an unconditional love, but also it is good to know the importance of sex appeal in our love. It is what the fire of our love needs, and I accept it.