How much a social single behaviour can affect the whole economy of a country at large along with every single family income and expenses practices?
This is not about mocking the west blindly or trying to inject some social foreign behaviour in our own society that defies our culture and tradition. It is just a call to pay a closer look and study the effect of adults moving out of their parents houses at the age of 18 on social and economical aspects.
In the west, they live WITH their childrens. Here, we live FOR our children
A previous co-worker who lived for some time in the US said. His words hit home, having to grow up watching my parents struggle to maintain a decent life for me and my siblings while depriving themselves the least portions of entertainment and recreation.
At 29 years old, I am guilty of abusing my parents finance by staying at their house. My younger brother who is 23 years old is doing the so as well. They also still have another 16 years young boy to support through his remaining 2 years at school, 4 years at college, and another maybe around 5-10 years till he becomes independent and start his own family.
Yet starting a new family is not an easy task. I barely save a small chunk of my salary althought I am living with my parents. It would be a different situation if they kicked me out at the age of 18 where I would have learnt what it is like to depend entirely on myself for living.
We are fighting a culture of shame where we are importing workers from other countries to fill vacancies that our youth are resisting to take. Most of it has to do with their comfort of staying in their parents houses and benefiting from their parents income. Our youngsters have a great amount of energy that they don’t know what to do with. You see them hanging around the city with their daddy’s car, or stay late infront of their daddy’s TV till early hours in the morning. A lot don’t even bother to study and do well in their only task in their life at that time of succeeding in college.
I bet that the situation would be different if they had to pay their own expenses of living and college fees. Parents would benefit of the spare expenses to live a better life themselves. Having 3 children in average and having to support them till their late 20’s does eat from the quality of life of parents in Jordan where they don’t have to take this far because people can take care of themselves at the age of 18.
This habit of keeping children at home till they get married does also eat from equal chances. Rich people don’t have a problem sending their children to the best universities and then finding them the best jobs while benefitting in return with a stronger hold on their children’s lives. In the other hand, poorer people find themsevles struggle to maintain the daily expenses of their children at college then keep on supporting them till they find a decent job that usually doesn’t pay much.
Economy at large can benefit from the energy of youngsters. Imported workers would decrease. Shame culture would disappear. We would find less maniac drivers. Less youth problems. More independence for youngsters. Taking better responsibilities for youngsters. Better lives for parents.
Change is hard, and parents should learn that they are no abandoning their kids this way. It is just a mean to teach them how to live, and be able to live better themselves.
Fadi Zaghmout فادي زغموت 
Dear Fadi, Thanks for the great post. I cant agree less with what you said. However there is pretext to such a social move. Our youngsters must be taught through out their school years that “Freedom equates Responsibility”. It is no easy step for parents in the west to let go of their children. Nonetheless, their up bringing emphasizes the Freedom equates responsibility. A youngster in the west starts working at the age of 15. Getting a car during his High School years depends on his/her work savings…etc Thus the kids are taught while being harbored within their parents nest the fundamentals of survival and independence. Parents must accept the idea of letting go of their children, but they must understand their role to teach them those survival skills.Again, you hit a bull’s eye. Great insight…
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In Amman, that would probably at least quadruple the number of homeless. How many of us can afford our own home since G.W. ? Thius is also why so many men can’t get married until a much older age now.Besides a large part of society doesn’t accept women living alone yet.The other thing is, while parents live for their children, unlike the west, we return the favor when they grow older, instead of sending mom and dad to a retirement home (not all of them do that, but still).My parents live in another country, but I wish they lived in the same house, so that I get to see them and take care of them.In the west, its still seen as a stigma. Oh you’re 30, and still living with your parents ? Then they give you a nasty look.I even know some parents who charge their kid rent to live in their room after 18. That’s just horrible.The part I don’t like is when the son gets married and they build another floor on top of their parents house and have a family copound !
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i so agree! ana sarli mgharrabeh min w ana 16, and i can stand my own better than half ‘men’ these days! lazem il shabab yenramo barra byout ahlun ba3d il jam3a i reckon, aw 5ilal, lazem yet3allamo ye3temdo 3a 7alun, i said il shabab in specific yes coz it irritates the hell out of me to c shab mdalla3 w fafi w bye3temed 3al mama bi kul shi!bas il mushkeleh wein, not enuf homes and not enuf resources!
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Bozo, you are right. Unlike what is commonly believed in the Arab world that the western parents don’t really care about their children, the truth is that they do really teach them the basics of surviving while still maintaining and living a decent life themseleves.Start working at 15 is not a bad idea for our youngsters, I can see how much bordeom is killing them!Hani Oaid, they don’t have to live in mansions at their young age! They ought to learn to depend on themselves and for sure will face some difficulties at first. And society ought to start accepting women living alone. It is time to abolish such restriction. A woman doesnt need to have a man by herside to maintain a house. We don’t really return the favor. We just eat from the best years of our parents. If we didn’t eat their money, they would be having enough to support themselves when they get older.I dont think it is a bad idea to charge your children if they are staying with you after 18. They should help in the houses expenses.PŕōuđPāŀĩ, bravo 3aleke! More people should live like you! I think it is the right thing to do, and I think there are enough homes as well.
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great post!my kids left home when they both were 17 years old, but we supported them in paying for their college and living expenses all along, thankfully we can afford it, we would not have done it any other way. but my kids also learned how to manage their money living alone, paying their bills, getting their own food, cook, doing laundry, and all that comes with being away from home. they grow up socially and away from mama and baba, they became their own people. they worked all through college to have spending money and that alone was a good experience for them to prepare them for real life. they are responsible adults now one with her own family and they are doing just great. My youngest son on the other hand was away in college for one year until he decided to move back home…he is a bit spoiled having everything handed to him on a silver platter, but when it comes to being responsible adult, he is just that…even though he is living at home, we give him the freedom to come and go as he pleases and have his friends over, and be responsible for his own actions…we actually do not mind it, he makes our life livelier!! I am not sure if moving out at 18 will work out well in the middle east, it is tough. the society does not make it easy on a single young person to be able to make it alone…the situation is tough and not the living conditions also are not very accommodating for such thing. it will be very hard to afford a place to live or find a part time job to support themselves and go to school at the same time.again, thanks for raising such a point.
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I feel like when you’re 18 your responsibility is to go to college study hard and do well, not to be getting used to and adjusting to your newfound independence. I know personally I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for the support of my parents. So as a 23 year old, my life is going to be easier now that I have a masters degree and little responsibility, I would be struggling at my age if I had to be totally independent at 18. It would just take me much long to “make it” in life.
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Great post Fadi … I totally agree on what you just said .. but do you think the mothers will do ? (sho betgool .. ak7ash ebne bra !! )thy used to worry so much and to feel like thy OWN there children .. i know some guys who’s 28 years old and till now can’t decide to go for 3 days vication without taking the permission from their parents (and of course the expenses ) … it all start at the early childhood … when the child trained to be over protected all the time .. so you can’t easily come to him after that and ask him to pay you the rent for his room .. it’s a calture and emotions thing .. about ma self .. now i realize how blessed i am .. my parents devorced when i was 17 years old .. which released me from their control at the most critical age .. at the age of 19 i kicked out my self 🙂 … and became 100% independent at the age of 20 .. which is gr8 feeling .. even if u suffer at the beginning paying the rent or living decent life … but life about experiences .. so when you live the suffer you appreciate the comfort … about my kids in the future .. thx God i’m not planning to have any … as i’m gay it’s not a priority at all .. :).. but if i have to adopt one i’ll teach him to take his decisions when he’s 5 years old … prepearing him to go out for life at the age of 16 …about the economical effects … it needs some time to start stimulatting the system and will take another decades to be a part of the system … but it will be such a great motivation for the economy . Cheers mate 🙂
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I don’t know about you, but I think that parents(Inlcuding mine and even me) Find joy and hapinness in providing to our families, the joy that they have when they see their grandchildren is not weighed by money.A son being close to his/her parents I think is worth more than “entertainment”, many people find their ultimate entertainment in a smile. Satisfaction is the biggest and best entertainment ever; and here I am not refering to the song eventhough it is very entertaining 😉
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This post qualifies to be nominated for one of the top 10 posts on Jordan blog for the year 2007.
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Summer, thanks for your account. I am sure your children appreciate the life you gave them.I agree, it would be tough here, but it is better for them to face hardship at this age rather than when they become older.Asoom, maybe you would have been in a better situation than you are today as well. Independence and responsibility teach a lot. Antitrinity, I am sure that my mother wouldn’t like this idea! She would start crying whenever she imagines me out of the house. I remember how depressed she was when my sister got married and moved out! But parents should learn, it might be tough at first but it is to their benefits along to their children benefit.You are going to make a good father :). Adoption can be a good option. Is it easy to adopt kids here? Mohannad, sure, parents find joy when their children is close, but why subject them to such hectic where you can always visit? Why not let them enjoy their own lives outside our continuous demands? I can see happiness in my parents eyes when they see me, but I can also see their tiresome of taking care of us till today!Hatem, thanks you man! I am so glad to hear this! You made my day 🙂
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Dear Observer …I gonna Adopt a child from China but this thing still needs a discussion with my Future Boyfriend 🙂 … or .. hopfully in the near future i’ll get my biological kid sharing the chromosomes with my Future boyfriend .. which is scientifical possibility at the moment .. two guys give 23 chromosomes each using the same technology of cloning and a womb tenant… it’s just amazing to do so 🙂 .. okki .. i’ll go back home to south africa to do that .. it’s 100% legal there 🙂 … give it few years and it will be legal over the world … and btw .. at that time i guess thy will start to reconsider women driving cars in KSA :)) i know it’s out of the supject comment .. but it’s about your question about adoption ..Cheers 🙂
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This is a great post. If we took its spirit and applied it we probably wouldn’t end up with a social norm of people actually moving out of their parents’ homes at the age of 18 (when kids usually finish high school and go to college), but what we would end up with is college kids, and even high school kids, actually working small jobs and making themselves some money and gain a little sense of responsibility.In the US, you have to be over 18 to work at certain jobs, but there are still jobs that high school kids can do, like working at a grocery store or a small cafeteria I think. A lot of high school kids work in grocery stores just bagging stuff at the cashier registers. In college a lot of kids work as waiters in restaurants or in department stores at the mall.But unfortunately in Jordan, we simply don’t do that. We have this mentality that things have to be divided into stages where in one stage you study and only study and nothing but studying and getting good grades matters. It doesn’t work that way.I do know a few guys in Jordan who did work in college and I really admired that in them. I hope more people can be like that, and at the same time I hope opportunities keep arising for young people to fill positions of responsibility no matter how small their job titles were.Great post.
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Hi again .. 🙂 commenting TO what Hamzeh N.just said ..i agree with you Hamzeh .. but i’d like to add another point which is .. when you work when you are youngster what we used to call ( law class jobs ) you learn how to respect people no matter what thy do … in jordan every one wants a job behind a disk as office work … which is pretty normal desire after spending years studying stuffs without going to the true work experiment … which usually to cause a superior vainglory attitude for what thy define as inferior low class layer … when that’s the case … the person can precedes very well in his career but just right when he go find himself responsible on other employees he usually fail down …when you are used to work for people you will get a better knowledge how to run a business your self and how to run your employees … that’s just one more point :))Cheers again 😉
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Fadi, once more you took the words out of my mouth. I agree with this 100%. Freedom/independence = A more adventurous life.
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