Unlike many others, I have been a calm kid. I have always been calm and content. I have always listened to my parents requests. I have always been pleased of what I have and I have never felt the need to break the laws in my childhood. To my parents, I have almost been the perfect child.
I don’t know why I have been that good. Is it because my parents have provided me with much love and protection? My siblings benefitted from the same treatment but they were not as calm as I have been. Was I a coward kid who feared to do wrong because of punishment? No, I don’t think so. My parents rarely punish me. I was so sensitive in my childhood where I used to feel so bad when I see a single look of upset on my mother’s face. I feared her saddness more than her punishment. Were my parents strict? No they weren’t that much strict. My mother may have been over protective but they haven’t been that strict on us. Besides being over strict do backfire most of the time. Was it just me? Maybe it is my hormones, my body, genetic structure. I have never had strong urges for anything. That doesn’t mean that I have never had feelings, but I have always been able to handle whatever my body asks for. I have always had this control over my actions and my mind.
As a teenager, I had to go out from the shelter my parents provided me and face out the world. I am not saying that I had to leave home or work and handle my own life, what I am talking about the ability to go to the street, meet another young people of my age, and do some decisions of my own.
Being the calm, well mannered, self-protected kid that I was, I didn’t really fit with the need of exploring, being self-independent, mocking up grown ups, and breaking the laws that other teenagers have. I was very cautious. I have been cautious all my life. My mother tells me that when I wanted to get the ball from below the bed, I used to get my legs under it first instead of my head just to be sure of the risks. When my teenage friends wanted to do anything new, I was always reluctant untill I get the know the risks. I wasn’t a risk taker back then. I have changed a bit in this area.
We used to live in Al-Webdeh, in the street of the church next to Canvas. At the time, Canvas was a neglected park. It was forbidden to me to go there. My friends used to go there and smoke. We were around 12 years old. I once broke the law out of my need to join my friends and fit in. They smoke. I didn’t.
My friends, like most male teenagers, used to curse a lot. I wasn’t. I used to use little words for insults like calling people animals and stuff instead of the big words they used to use like the F-word and other words related. They used to make fun of me because of that. Not until several years later when I decided that it is okay to curse big words infront of other men in our society.
My friends used to sneak into a neighbour building in order to have a good sight on another neighbour house which had a big window and where they could look at the beautiful lady sitting in her house wearing a short! They didn’t tell me about it at first because they knew I would object but I later figured it out.
My friends used to sweat talk a neighbour young girl to play with us hide and seek so that they would altenrnate turns and hide close to her in order touch her! One of them went mad when another one told me what where they doing. They knew that I wouldn’t agree with that kind of behaviour.
Like a lot of other male teenagers in Amman (I have no idea about female teenagers), my friends were fascinated with porn movies. I didn’t know what porn means at that time. I knew that it is something wrong and so I never accepted to join them in watching. I did once, but didn’t repeat till many years later. Now the situation is different.
I have always tried to stop them of doing wrong. I have always tried to make the right thing. I have always sticked to the rules. That is why they once called me “The Alley Conscience”. I didn’t know whether to like it or not at that time. Now it just makes me remember old days and smile.
I am sure still have many attributes of “The Alley Conscience”, but since then, many things have changed in me.
Hope that you like my teenage history…