Last Thursday, I got back home around 12:30 PM at night. I wore my pajammas and went to bed. I grabbed “The Piligrimage” book of Paulo Coelho next to my bed and opened it to the page where stopped last time.
I was so tired after a long day. I could barely comprehend the wisdom in Paulo’s words. In fact, I could barely see the lines I was reading. My eyes fall on my hand, my finger that were holding the book. I noticed my skin. I noticed the way I am grabbing the book.
I stopped for a moment. I realized that I am still alive. I realized that I have been rushing around since I woke up that day. I do so every day. Worrying about everything in life where I don’t find the time to stop, to feel my breath, and enjoy being alive.
I worry when to wake up in order to have enough time to have my breakfast before work so that to do the right thing for my body. I rush into the bathroom. I rush to dress my cloths, and rush to reach to work at the right time.
At work, I rush to check my emails. To chech my blog. To check what tasks I have for the day. I have to check on my email buddies from time to time. I have to read others blogs from time to time to keep myself updated and enjoy others writings. I have to sign in MSN in order to chat with my other friends.
like everyone else, I have to manage my social contacts. I have to manage my body needs. I have to manage my brain needs. And I have to manage my income and allowance needs.
While I do enjoy it sometimes doing all of that. Like taking a shower. Going to the gym to keep my body fit. Eating the right food. Talking to a friend. Exchanging ideas with someone. Reading. Writing. Painting. Watching Tv. Working.
That night, I felt that need to stop it all. For few moments. I just wanted to look around me. Move my eyes around the room. Looking at the window of my room. The curtains. The walls. I wanted to feel my eyes taking the shots. I wanted to feel the air coming into my lungs. I wanted to drink some water to feel it running through my mouth. I wanted to stop the auto-pilot that has been running me throughout the day and feel my life.
Unfortunatly I was so tired. My brain cells were too exhausted. I felt them sleeping. I was sure some of them were already asleep. The others were falling in turn. I couldn’t enjoy my moment. I had to obey my body needs once again.
I put my book aside. I closed my eyes. And I slept.
Without enjoying my moment – the moment of being alive.