Driving Home

I have posted this before, but that was before my blog get submitted on Jordan Planet where more people can read it now. That is why I am posting it again.

Driving Home

After a long day at work, I was waiting for the clock to point at 6pm where I rushed into shutting down my computer and leaving whatever remained of my work to the next day while also trying to avoid having any stressful thoughts about it. I walked to the sign up sheet in order to log in my leaving time.

I used to drive home with me a friend at work that lives nearby. She had an urgent task that evening and asked me to wait an extra 30 min for her. I do care for this friend, but I don’t know whether it is selfishness of me to leave her and go home, or it is a selfishness of her to ask me to wait another half an hour just to drive her with me so that she won’t have some difficulties finding a taxi!

I didn’t feel good, but I decided to leave, my own self caring spirit won. I was tired, and being a lazy man; I wanted to rush into bed and had some good rest.

It was a raining cold day. I always hated winter and its cold weather. I put on my heavy jacket and made sure to secure my scarf around my neck covering the lower half of my head with it while covering the other upper half with a hat. I rushed fast into my car, and switched it on waiting for the heater to work on while scratching my icing hands together in order to get some warmth.

Now that I felt the heat covering the place around me, I started driving while enjoying the music coming out of the radio and the raining drops falling at the front glass of my car. Reaching the first traffic-light, I stopped my car waiting for the green light. I was thinking of the wonderful scene of those water rain drops falling in front of the lamp-posts along the pavement. Then suddenly, I noticed this little beautiful girl walking towards the car in front of mine and knocking on the window begging for money. She looks around 10 years of age, with a long black wet hair reaching the mid of her back while some stripes, because of the wind, hitting her beautiful angelic face. She was shivering of cold, and yet standing their asking for money while I am, the grown up 28 years old, sitting warmly in my car and enjoying my music! Unfair life I thought, but then I didn’t even bother to get a cent and help this poor girl, at the contrary, watching her moving towards my car, I put a sharp look into my face and raised my hand to tell her to go away! I even moved my car a bit forward in order to move her off the window near my face!

When the traffic-light hit green, I rushed my car to move away of that scene. Trying to comfort myself not to feel bad of my cold heart, I put the blame on the little girl’s father. I wouldn’t really help her if I gave her some money, would I? She is probably got used to it, and even with some money, she would still be here next day in the cold. I just wished I have more strength to change her entire life. I shrugged my shoulders and said God; you know how to take care of her, don’t you?

While sinking in my thoughts, comforting myself of not helping the little girl, a little kitten rushed into the street and in between the wheels of my car. I had no choice but to hit her. Looking at the mirror, I saw a small helpless animal struggle for the last breath of its life. What have I done! I felt bad, but then I didn’t bother to even look again, I continued my drive thinking of how stupid that animal was! Was it my fault? I don’t think so, but the image of the kitten in her blood kept on haunting me.

I raised the volume of the music more, trying to forget of all what happened. Then I reached a queue of cars. There seem to be some heavy traffic, I wonder why. I tried to help myself to remain calm, but my hand didn’t help me resist my urge to press the beeper. I became a bit angry now of waiting, I didn’t know what the problem was; I was trying to figure out by looking around me. It seems that someone’s car broke down. I saw the man trying to push his car to the right side in order to give us the space to move on. I didn’t bother to go ahead and help him; it was too cold for me. I just stood there waiting, it wasn’t my business after all, but I stopped beeping now out of courtesy!

With a bit of anger, frustration and tire, I continued my journey towards home. I wasn’t happy for the choices I just made, but I didn’t behave all badly either. When I noticed an old man crossing the road slowly, I stopped my car and waiting for him to walk it without even beeping!

But then, and while I was ready to park my car near the house, my cell phone rang. It was my mother; she asked me to bring her something of the supermarket! No mom, I am so tired, I whined! I need to take some rest. I rushed into the house, took off my clothes and wore my pajamas. My mother came and greeted me. She asked me if I want to eat anything. She said that she cooked my favorite dish for today. She then heated it up and brought it to me to eat while I was sitting on the sofa trying to relax!

Was I a selfish lazy spoiled bastard in my way back home? Maybe! I had to take care of myself as well. I put my head on the pillow and enjoyed my nap praying for God to help those people…


Prostitution in Jordan

Nights Clubs
How many night clubs we have in Amman? I am not talking about high class night clubs where people go to dance and have fun alike Nai, Myth, Fizz and Prana, but I am talking about hundreds of sleazy places scattered around the city of Amman with the name of a night club, or in Arabic (Malha layli). In Abdoun, Swefieh, Shemisani, Mecca street, …etc.

They are considered to be men places where slutty looking females waitresses with much revealing clothes and a bitchy attitude coming mostly from foreign countries (mainly from Eastern Europe countries) serve horney men who are ready to spend a big amount of money for some fun.

While most of those places are meant to cater young men coming from the gulf states for tourism, you can see a lot of Jordanian men hanging in such places and bragging about that between each other.

It is a men issue. One thing that men shy to talk about it infront women or even family members. But it is highly accepted between men themselves. Even if a man revealed that he has been to such a place, it won’t be a big deal. Only a small tarnish of his reputation that would fade with no time in a society that uses double standards in judging the behaviour of our men versus our women.

People who haven’t been to such places which I know would most be only women, can have a better idea by reading Paulo Coelho’s book “Eleven Minutes”. It is an account of a Brazillian lady travelling to Swizerland looking for an adventure and money only to find herself working as a prostitue. The book gives a very close describtion of such business that is in no way far of what happens in Amman. In fact reading the book, I felt that he is describing one of those places here that I have went to once or twice.

Is it a choice?
While Paulo, in his book, highlight the woman choice of becoming a prostitue, I find myself disagreeing with his view this time as I can’t really understand how anyone would choose to sell his body like thins unless she has gone through some special circumstances that left her no real choice but to sell her last asset.

In our society, sex is a taboo, and so a prostitue is looked at to be a sub-human. Most would prefer to stay away of them, others would feel legimate to treat them badly. There is no sense of sympathy towards those women as we percieve them to be morally corrupted creatures that has no right to be treated decently. We judge harshly refusing to look closer for other reasons such women sell their bodies for.

When poverty is presented as a reason, most of us claim their high righteousness. Women with good conidtions would claim that they prefer to die starving rather than selling their bodies dismissing any small compassion with prostitues because they don’t really know what it means to be in real poverty.

They present a counter argument. Look at maids. They prefer to work hard rather than selling their honor. I wonder how true is this? and how honor is left their to the maids in our houses? They are subjected to even more humilation than prostitues, and at many times to sexual harrassment and even continous raping from their Masters. Have anyone wondered why maids are usually bad looking women? I guess they would choose prostitution if they have the choice.

Shall we legalize it?
With hundreds, or thousands of prostitues in our city. An accepting social behavior in between our youth. One has to fear the consequences of this hidden unorganized world. How bad it would be to legalize the whole process? As of having some official rules to govern the whole process in order to at least minimize that health risks that our youth are subjected to. At the same time provide some protection to those unfortunate women who are being used and treated as slaves to their employers who are the only one benefitted from keeping the situation as it is.

Or maybe we prefer to keep it this way because those who dare to be a prostitue and those who sleep with one does deserve any kind of punishment they would get out of such act? I wonder if people would feel the same way knowing that their son or daughter can easily get in such situation one day.

Common recurring dreams

Falling from a height
Running down fast in a slop, going faster and faster in accelerating pace, suddenly feeling myself, and out of speed, loosing my contact with the ground, and raising high in the sky, higher and higher, till reaching a point where the energy of speed consumed. I stop for a moment, then fall back to the ground, from so high in the sky.

Going to school shoeless
In the morning, my father driving me off to the school. Rush into the hall greeting my friends in this lovely morning where I sense something wrong in my feet, look down, I realized that I am walking with a bare foot! what an embarrassement?! What can I do?

Finding money
In a garden, looking at the muddy ground, suddenly finding a small coin, little amount of money, pick it up just to find another coin nearby, look around, find more and more.

A baby boy
What a cute baby boy, my mother did it again, and new little brother for me. It is so cute. How can my mom deliver at this age again? His face is so big. He is adorable. Or is it my son? Who is his mother? I don’t know her? I love the boy, I have to marry his mother although I don’t know her. For his sake. My son!

A snake bite
Suddenly, from nowhere, I feel some pain in my leg, I look down, it is a snake, I try to pull it off, it is so elastic, as I pull more, it gets longer and longer.

whether it is a nice dream or a horrible nightmare, one has to wonder why some dreams repeat itself so often. Sometimes when you share it with others, it isn’t surprising to know that others have dreamt of the same things. Falling from a height is so common between people. I wonder what do it mean? Maybe a sudden fall in blood pressure at a certain point in my sleep. Sometimes it is the feeling of falling from the bed. At other times, I dream like I have discovered a way to fly, just tilt your body to the front, wave your hands, and here I am flying. It gets me excited, amazing feeling. Going up and up, high in the sky to only realize that I can’t go on, then fall! Waking up before reaching the ground! Thank God. I would have died!

It sure has to do with our subconsious. Someone told me that the baby thing means that I have a problem which I am trying to supress. I wonder how true this is.

What about other dreams? Going to school with bare foot? or wearing a pijamma? what about forgetting my books bag? or forgetting to study for an exam? sometimes it forgetting about attending a course at the university only to remember it by the end of the semester knowing that I have missed a lot!

Have you had such dreams? I bet you did.

A terror attack nightmare

I just wake up today frightened as I have dreamt of being at my best friend’s house where we were fixing a shisha and about to sit in their hourse terrace when suddenly I recognized two airforce planes shooting missles somewhere, and then looking forward, I noticed this huge rocket launcher which seemed to be several kilometers away from my friend’s place shooting rocket around us, where the fire of one of the blast reached their garden, and hit my car’s tire!

It is funny how we relate things in our dreams, like for instance quickly jump into thinking that this is a terror attack. At first, I don’t know why Iraq popped into my mind, maybe there is some residue in my subconscious of how we felt in 1990 during the Iraqi war, but in no time, I was sure it is a terror attack! I was like “oh my god! They did it again!”

Last year amman blasts seems to impact us more than we realize. Sense of security is one of our basic needs. Unfortunatly it has been shaken. And while I am not the kind of person who keeps on worrying where I manage to ignore things and enjoy living my life, still something can affect you without you being aware of it.

Speaking of the subconscious, and the shisha. After struggling for a year trying to cut the amount of smoking shisha from nearly once a day to once a week, I decided to cut it all a months and a half ago. Since then, I have fought the temptation of smoking it everytime I go out with my friends where they order one. Now with Ramadan, it is even harder! I don’t know how I can go on with Ramadan without smoking shisha! But I am managing to do so. Maybe that is why it appeared in my dream. After my friend fixed it, I was thinking in the dream that it is okay to smoke it a bit, but then after he has it done, even in my dream I felt that I need to be strong in holding my temptation, and so I told him that no I wont smoke it.

I was pleased when I woke up. There was no terror attack, and I didn’t smoke shisha!

Thank God! What a wonderful day today is….

A tribute to the Queen

Like a fairy tale, Rania turned from a regular woman into a Queen when prince Abdulla’s sight fall over her.

Being overwhelmed with her new reality, trying to keep her foot on the ground, absorbing her new role as a Queen and facing her obligation to her people must have put a great pressure on this young lady.

What’s fascinating is the elegant way our Queen faced the overwelming pressure and presented herself to us and to the world.

Taking her role seriously, and after several years of practicing her duties, one can feel a sense of proud having such a woman working hard to push forward many human and women rights issues.

It is amazing how much difference one can make when he is in power. Bad authority leads to disasters while good one leads to miracles.

We have built a cultural norm to abide from complimenting our leaders. A common attitude has grown between us to attack those who are in charge, and therefore it is becoming hard to see the good in a person when he takes the lead in our countries. But sometimes, the sun shines without leaving any room to darkness.

We are blessed with a young king and queen, who seem to be determined in making a difference to our lives.

Memes vs Genes

In the past couple of years, the term gene, its definition, and its impact has become so popular not only in the scientific community but also in the mainstream culture.

Genes are widley known to be the basic building blocks of the bodies of any living creatures. It is the hidden code in our bodies that dictates our looks, our treats and behaviour. A gene is the unit of heredity in living organisms. Most of us are aware of the concept of evolution and natural selection introduced by Charles Darwin as we have been taught this theory in school.

While genes dictates things related to our physical body, a new term (not much new) came to exist by Richard Dawkins to describe the inheritance of human information. It is the “MEME

The term “meme”, coined in 1976 by Richard Dawkins, refers to a unit of cultural information transferrable from one mind to another. Dawkins said, Examples of memes are tunes, catch-phrases, clothes fashions, ways of making pots or of building arches. A meme propagates itself as a unit of cultural evolution analogous in many ways to the gene (the unit of genetic information). Often memes propagate as more or-less integrated cooperative sets or groups, referred to as memeplexes or meme-complexes.

We do inherit our ideas and information in the same mean of inheriting our physical treats.

Memes are as strong as genes, that is why you can see people stick hardly to their memes that they inherited of their parents and culture they have been raised into.

But as genes are subjected to evolution through a natural selection process, so does the memes. A natural selection dictates the evolution of our memes. Some ideas do cease to exist with time, and while fossils managed to save copies of extinct genes, books have managed to keep our lost memes.

In the same vein of competitvness and adaption to environment some ideologies cease to exists while others grow stronger and spread.

While the evolution of mems were going in a slow pace over the past thousands of years, it is now subjected to a faster process of adaptation because of the recent human development especillay using the new advancement in the technology of communication where our memes are mixing like never before creating new hyprid of ideas that are struggling to win over and survive.

Our instinct are not only programmed to protect our genes, but also our memes as well. Maybe that is why we see a lot of people go to the extreme in order to protect what they believe in.