I have posted this before, but that was before my blog get submitted on Jordan Planet where more people can read it now. That is why I am posting it again.
After a long day at work, I was waiting for the clock to point at 6pm where I rushed into shutting down my computer and leaving whatever remained of my work to the next day while also trying to avoid having any stressful thoughts about it. I walked to the sign up sheet in order to log in my leaving time.
I used to drive home with me a friend at work that lives nearby. She had an urgent task that evening and asked me to wait an extra 30 min for her. I do care for this friend, but I don’t know whether it is selfishness of me to leave her and go home, or it is a selfishness of her to ask me to wait another half an hour just to drive her with me so that she won’t have some difficulties finding a taxi!
I didn’t feel good, but I decided to leave, my own self caring spirit won. I was tired, and being a lazy man; I wanted to rush into bed and had some good rest.
It was a raining cold day. I always hated winter and its cold weather. I put on my heavy jacket and made sure to secure my scarf around my neck covering the lower half of my head with it while covering the other upper half with a hat. I rushed fast into my car, and switched it on waiting for the heater to work on while scratching my icing hands together in order to get some warmth.
Now that I felt the heat covering the place around me, I started driving while enjoying the music coming out of the radio and the raining drops falling at the front glass of my car. Reaching the first traffic-light, I stopped my car waiting for the green light. I was thinking of the wonderful scene of those water rain drops falling in front of the lamp-posts along the pavement. Then suddenly, I noticed this little beautiful girl walking towards the car in front of mine and knocking on the window begging for money. She looks around 10 years of age, with a long black wet hair reaching the mid of her back while some stripes, because of the wind, hitting her beautiful angelic face. She was shivering of cold, and yet standing their asking for money while I am, the grown up 28 years old, sitting warmly in my car and enjoying my music! Unfair life I thought, but then I didn’t even bother to get a cent and help this poor girl, at the contrary, watching her moving towards my car, I put a sharp look into my face and raised my hand to tell her to go away! I even moved my car a bit forward in order to move her off the window near my face!
When the traffic-light hit green, I rushed my car to move away of that scene. Trying to comfort myself not to feel bad of my cold heart, I put the blame on the little girl’s father. I wouldn’t really help her if I gave her some money, would I? She is probably got used to it, and even with some money, she would still be here next day in the cold. I just wished I have more strength to change her entire life. I shrugged my shoulders and said God; you know how to take care of her, don’t you?
While sinking in my thoughts, comforting myself of not helping the little girl, a little kitten rushed into the street and in between the wheels of my car. I had no choice but to hit her. Looking at the mirror, I saw a small helpless animal struggle for the last breath of its life. What have I done! I felt bad, but then I didn’t bother to even look again, I continued my drive thinking of how stupid that animal was! Was it my fault? I don’t think so, but the image of the kitten in her blood kept on haunting me.
I raised the volume of the music more, trying to forget of all what happened. Then I reached a queue of cars. There seem to be some heavy traffic, I wonder why. I tried to help myself to remain calm, but my hand didn’t help me resist my urge to press the beeper. I became a bit angry now of waiting, I didn’t know what the problem was; I was trying to figure out by looking around me. It seems that someone’s car broke down. I saw the man trying to push his car to the right side in order to give us the space to move on. I didn’t bother to go ahead and help him; it was too cold for me. I just stood there waiting, it wasn’t my business after all, but I stopped beeping now out of courtesy!
With a bit of anger, frustration and tire, I continued my journey towards home. I wasn’t happy for the choices I just made, but I didn’t behave all badly either. When I noticed an old man crossing the road slowly, I stopped my car and waiting for him to walk it without even beeping!
But then, and while I was ready to park my car near the house, my cell phone rang. It was my mother; she asked me to bring her something of the supermarket! No mom, I am so tired, I whined! I need to take some rest. I rushed into the house, took off my clothes and wore my pajamas. My mother came and greeted me. She asked me if I want to eat anything. She said that she cooked my favorite dish for today. She then heated it up and brought it to me to eat while I was sitting on the sofa trying to relax!
Was I a selfish lazy spoiled bastard in my way back home? Maybe! I had to take care of myself as well. I put my head on the pillow and enjoyed my nap praying for God to help those people…