How wrong can be our perception of ourselves?

How good can one build a perception about his own self? To know his stand among the group of people he belongs to, his abilities, others perceptions about him, his social level, character, how much he is loved, how intellectual he is, his smartness, …etc

Reading the expressions of the other people we are dealing be is part of creating our own self esteem. Comparison is our main way of forming a perception. We always compare others to ourselves, even subconsiously.

Unfortunatly, not all of us are good in the perception game. There are things in us that others can see better than we do. Sometimes we think that we have a good sense of humar because we have managed to get a laugh or so from someone, but in reality we don’t realize that it was a fake laugh because people are cunning. They can fake their face expressions, showing something totally different than what is really in their heart. One has to be so good in order to read things right.

In other times, someone self esteem would be crashed based on just one other person’s perception of him. It can be an awful feeling, knowing that what you thought yourself to be is not what it really is because someone you respect and trust just told you so. When your confidence with your cabailities of perception isn’t strong enough, you would believe one other person’s wrong perception over yours.

For me, I usually have more confidence in myself than others, but I have been wrong at times which taught me to consult more than a person to form an opinion about myself. I am not always right, and others are not always right either. What matters is to know the truth and make peace with it.

This reminds me when I have heard for the first time about my large nose. This is funny, cause back then I was 20 years old, and has always believed that I have a normal good looking nose. Yes, I used to look in the mirror! But sometimes you don’t see right cause the mirror doesn’t give you all the angles. A side profile give a better indication, which other people see better than me.

My parents have never mentioned anything about my nose! Nothing! Thanks to my best friend, and while we were teasing each other, he laughed at my big nose. For instant, I laughed at him. I thought that he is totally far away from truth this time. But he laughed back, then he swore, then he asked me if I ever look in the mirror, then he asked me to ask other people.

I realized that I have been living with a big nose for years without noticing it. It doesn’t really bother me as it is just a nose. People say it isn’t that bad. I can’t see how bad it is. But it makes me wonder about what other things that I got it wrong about myself?

Maybe it doesn’t matter as long as I feel peace inside. I just hope that I am not far away of the truth, and if I am, then I wonder whether it is better to know that or not.

Gender/Gender Identity/Sexual Orientation/Social Role

In our process of rejecting anything that looks different, we end up categorizing different kind of people under the same rejected group without even trying to get a clearer idea about the differences among them, or the reason they end up different than what we percieve to be the norm in our society.

One has to be either man or woman. A man should be masculine. A woman should be feminine. A sexual union should happen between a masculine man with a feminine woman. This is the social norm we are used to see in our daily life. We fail to acknowledge that masculinity and femininity is relative. There is a spectrum of degrees of masculinity as well as femininity where it gets us confused.

There are some sex related terms that we have to be aware of in order differenciate:
1. Gender: Male, Female, both
2. Gender Identity: Man, Woman, Transexual
3. Sexual Orientation: Hetreosexual, Bi-sexual, Homosexual
4. Social Role: Masculine, Feminine, in between

The normal scenario would be to have a Male who identifies himself as a Man, being hetreosexual and masculine. Or A female who identifies herself as a woman, being hetreosexual and faminine.

But it isn’t always like this. In life all variations for combining the 4 factors above exists. There are also a lot of variations under each category as of Gender for example. It isn’t just a distinct male, female, both. One can find a range of how much a male is male or female is female according to their sexual organs.

For instance we can find a male failing to acknowledge his identity where he thinks himself to be a woman which makes him a transexual while he is still attracted to women. As of wanting to change his sex to be a lesbian woman.

Some would have the 3 norms while fail to meet one. Like being a male, masculine, man identity, but homosexual, or male, feminine, man identity and hetreosexual.

All of the combinations exist in life. We just happen to accept the only 2 extremes while rejecting all of the other people.

How much your way of thinking contradict with you behaviour?

There seem to be some contradiction between people’s behaviour and their way of thinking which makes the common sense assumption of someone having such ideas won’t behave in a certain way a big fallacy.

For instance, I percieve myself to be an open minded person, where I do understand other people’s behaviour, and condone a lot of actions that I would never do myself. My mind is liberal, my body is conservative. My mind is insane, my body is rational. My mind want to fly, move, change, but my body wants to stay calm, relaxed, lazy.

Some other people seem to have it the other way around, like a beautiful girl in the university going wild with her group which makes her more desirable and popular while still her mind is full of conservative ideas she has been fed with since her childhood. She claims that she doesn’t do so and so because that is what she believes in, but her body behave in a different way.

A clear demonstration would be a picture of a veiled woman flattering with a guy while she knows it is against her principles next to a picture of an unveiled woman with a mini skirt acting cold towards a guy who is trying to flurt with her not because she thinks it is wrong, but because she is shy. Her body acts different that her mind.

A friend of mine claims that he is superficial. He loves brand names, luxury, spotlights, fame,…etc. In his life, he lives very normal. He is moderate in his expenses like any other guy, and he doesn’t brag about having certain things from certain brands. He even doesn’t like having superficial people as his friends! His mind is superficial, but his body so down to earth!

Eid wishes for all bloggers

One thing I love about this communication era, is our ability to reach people who are not really close to us and whom we like to wish them happiness.

A cell phone text message can do the job for many people where I don’t find it appropriate to call.

A blog wishes can reach all those who I happened to have somekind of discussion, read their words, or voiced mine.

Wish you all a happy holiday with your family and friends

Familiarity vs adaptation (working machine)

I have quoted Mark Twain in a previous post about the power of familiarity. Familiarity breeds content, while un-familiarity breeds unease.

In another post, I have introduced our built-in ‘washing machine‘, which is our natural ability as human beings to adapt to changes in life.

At first glance, one would feel a contradiction between the two concepts. How can one feel unease with unfamiliar things while at the same time still has this amazing ability to adapt?

The answer would be in the way our washing machine works.

It works subconsiously to remove the dirt of uncomfortable feelings of new things and align it properly with our standards. It actually makes things familiar without us realizing it.

Like in any other daily work, when we are faced with much load at work, our stress level gets high, maybe because we know that we have a lot to do. Then when we start actaully working on the stuff, our stress level eases down, knowing that we can finish the task on time.

Our washing machine works in the same way. For instance, when there is a huge change (load of work), we get freaked out, as of thinking that we can’t handle such change in life. Like for example having an accident, or some kind of perminent disease. The realization of the new situation leaves us in untolerable situation, but as our washing machine starts working, we get used to things, and one would feel comfortable in whatever condition he ends up with.

Maybe that is why people with disabilities refuse to see other people’s sympathy. While they have to do things in a different way, they may not feel as bad as how other people percieve them to feel because they are familiar with their own condition, and sure has somekind of content with it.

The other day I watched Neshan (akeed akeed mystro)’s interview with May Shediaq on NTV. She has lost a hand and a leg in the blast which targetted her last year. After being subjected to many surgical operations, and endure much pain, you can amazingly see her appearing on TV, looking better than ever, with more strength than before, and a brilliant smile. She seems to get familiar with her current condition. She seems to have a first class ‘washing machine’.

Our washing machine is working continuously. One has not to fear changes in life if he trusts his own washing machine. It is capable of washing the dirtiest of things and move it to a suitable place, increasing his possessions of experiences, and making him stronger.

Sickness and love

Sometimes sickness is meant to show us how much we are appreciated and loved. A need that grow stronger when we feel weak. It isn’t in any way less pleasurble than sex when fullfiled.

Sometimes having to stay in bed for sometimes give us the break we need of life.

To be alone… stopping time… staring at ceiling… the wall of the room… the ray light coming from the widnow…

Having peace with myself… feeling the love of people around me… checking on me… giving a concern look about my health… love…

Covering and Uncovering our women!

In tunis, the government is fighting women who choose to wear a veil. In France, they prohibited girls from wearing a veil at schools. In Iran and Saudi Arabia, women get beaten for not covering their heads.

Men are fighting around the world to either covering or uncovering their women! Those who believe in *covering* their women bodies think that it is for the best in order to protect their women from potential sexual harrassment while those who believes in *uncovering* women bodies think that it is for the best as well, cause women don’t have go through all the hectic of covering their bodies because some other men can’t hold their animal desires and act civilizely.

The poor women are torn in between. It depends where they live, and what kind of men they live with! Each one think that he knows the best!

Why don’t we let our women choose for themselves?! Tunis, France, Iran, Saudia Arabia, and all other countries. Give your women the right to choose! They know better when to cover and when to uncover their bodies!

Men back-off!