Social Pressure – Page 7


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Social Pressure – Page 7

Fortunately Ali was gentle to her. He didn’t put any pressure at all, and gave her all the time she needed to feel comfortable about it. It went smoothly. It wasn’t anyway of what she expected, in fact she didn’t know what to expect, but it was a good first time.

Ali has been good to her, she was happy to have him in her life. He has never treated her badly in anyway, but even after some months of her marriage she still feels that there is something wrong in their sexual relationship. He doesn’t show much interest in her the way she needs to feel. He sure does his duties as a husband, but she feels more that it is like a duty to him rather than passion from his side.

She has nobody to turn to and ask. The shadow of what her best friend told her a week before her wedding is still haunting her. She doesn’t know what to think anymore. She used to ask herself; maybe it is her friend’s talk what caused this feeling inside of her rather than of Ali’s behavior.

In no time she got pregnant. She and Ali were so thrilled. His mother treated her like a princess for giving her first grandchild. It was a tiring pregnancy, but it was a happy period for all the family. They all were there for her including Ali who took good care of her in those long 9 months.

She hoped that their sex life would pick up after she delivers her baby. Unfortunately she felt more separated of her husband than ever. He didn’t only show less interest in her sexually, but also started spending more time outside the house than inside of it. She tried to talk to him about it more than once, but he managed to come up with a rational excuse every time.

With a bit of shyness she approached her mother looking for some guides, she opened her heart to her mother and told her about what she feels of Ali’s distance in their marriage. To her shock, her mother wasn’t surprise of this kind of behavior. She said that it isn’t common to have this kind of cold relationship in marriages after a while. In fact, she admitted that it has been years for her and her father since they made love to each other.

“You are a mother now, concentrate on your home and your child” Those were her mother’s words.

She looked around her, her cousin had to deal with her husband marrying another woman on her because she can’t get pregnant, and he rationalized with her that he deserves to have a child for his own. Another relative is living alone now because her husband died young in a crash accident, and she doesn’t think it is appropriate to marry another man now, instead she devoted her life for her 2 kids. A friend of her got divorced a couple of month after her wedding day as her husband turned to be a control freak. Her sister lives alone now taking care of her children while her husband lives and works in another country in order to be able to take care of his family financial matters.

As she looked around her, her problem sounded smaller than she thought of. So what if her husband spent much time outside the house? He at least takes care of what her and her child’s needs. He treats her good, and has never denied her any request. He even brought her a new car a couple of months ago on her birthday, so why is she moaning? Life can’t be perfect.

Now that she quite her job as well after she got married, her main job now is to take care of her home and son. She started neglecting her looks as well because she doesn’t get the attention she needs from her husband, and she doesn’t look for such attention from anyone else. As a result she started to gain some weight. She found a pleasure in food as a fill in the void she has in love.

While she tried to take care of her family and home, she couldn’t just keep this distance between her and Ali. She tried harder and hared to work on their relationship. She even started to search after him thinking that he might be dating another woman behind her back.

To be continued…

Social Pressure – Page 6


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Social Pressure – Page 6

Why are you doing this?” Sarah said in disgust “You are my friend, why do are you saying these stuff about my fiancé?”

“Sarah, listen to me, I am not making things up, I know that it is hard to believe, I don’t want to hurt you. It has been a tough decision for me to make in order to tell you. I may loose our friendship but I have to tell you the truth because I care about you, you are my best friend” Suha pleaded hoping the Sarah would believe her.

“You don’t want to hurt me?!! This is exactly what you are doing. I don’t believe any word of what you are saying. I can’t believe that my best friend would come up with something this stupid! How can Ali be gay? He is so masculine, can’t you see that! You need to quite this silliness” she said angrily.

“Yes Ali is masculine, I know that, but a man doesn’t have to be feminine in order to be gay. It is a stereotype Sarah. Most gay men are masculine, believe me”. Suha tried to explain, and then asked “You may able to feel it, have he ever touched you?

“Of course he didn’t!” Sarah answered in shock. “What kind of question is this?! Ali is a decent man. He knows that I won’t allow him to touch me before marriage, he respects me for that. It doesn’t mean that he is gay, besides even if he has done anything with another man in the past, it is in the past. He loves me now, and is committed to me. He may have been gay, but he is no longer gay now” Sarah shouted.

“Sarah, calm down please, listen, a gay will always be gay, it can’t be change, it isn’t about the about the act, it is about the attraction. I just want you to be happy, please think about it, don’t make this mistake and marry him” Suha said in tears.

“I will marry him, I don’t know what are you thinking of, but I know that you are not Suha who I know, you are not my friend anymore, go away, don’t talk to me again, I hate you” Sarah burst in anger and left her friend alone, who sat there sorry, and deeply hurt because Sarah didn’t trust her and thought of her badly. She knows that she can’t do anything now; she has delivered her message, and paid her duty. She lost her best friend in the process, but she knows that she has done the right thing.

Like nothing has happened, Sarah continued her preparations for the wedding. She couldn’t understand how her best friend tried to ruin her happiness at this point of her life, but she won’t let her do it. Suha isn’t her friend anymore. She won’t even invite her for the wedding, and hope that she won’t even show up.

It was the happiest day of her life, all of her family and friends gathered to celebrate her wedding. It was a long and exhausting day, but everything went smoothly the way she planned it.

By the end of the wedding party she ended up alone in the room with Ali for the first time in her life. She was anxious for this moment, quite intimidated because she has never practiced her sexuality before.
Society has built a taboo around sex especially for females. Now, all of a sudden, it is the time where is it accepted morally. It is even more of a duty that she has to do this time despite of her fear of this night.

To be continued…

Is gloating punishable? always?


Yesterday, as time was approaching 2:00 PM, I was at work, on chat with a friend.

Me, enjoying the short working hours of Ramadan, was happy that in 5 mins, my work day was about to end, in the other hand, my poor friend, had 2 remaining hours to go. He leaves work at 4:00 PM.

Bearing in mind that I have only 5 mins left, I felt like gloating. As of sending the msn emoition icon with the sunglasses. For a moment, I felt reluctant of doing so, not that because it would hurt his feelings (sure it won’t, it just would stir his envy), but because an idea of a punishment I would get as of last minute call to give me a task.

It made me think of how people try not to gloat. They warn each other not to do so saying that what goes around comes around. If you gloat now, something bad would happen to you later.

How true is this?

Bad things would happen to you in the future whether you gloated now or not. So why not enjoying the moment when you have the high end?

And

While I am not much of a believer of any super natural powers. Sometimes my mind tries to make sense of outside events as signs of a meaningful cause.

So considering the validitiy of the assumption of getting punished for gloating. I tried to think of how the process works.

Is there somekind of an angel that makes sure to punish the person who gloats? May change his mind for cetain circumstances, or even would mistaken of the amount and kind of punishment a person deserves?

Or

Is it an automated process? Like somekind of a computer program that runs autmotically considering a certain criteria where there is no escape of the result unless you submit certain data.

One has to wonder, if such thing exist, whether it is based on a chaotic process, or well planned logically followed one.

Social Pressure – Page 5


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Social Pressure – Page 5

Ali asked his mother to call hers to set things up in the traditional way without mentioning anything that they have been dating.

When Ali and his family arrived to her house, she pretended that she is seeing him for the first time. Even when her mother told her that someone is coming tonight looking to marry her; she tried to act angrily as she used to do in such situation while hardly holding her smile. It was funny how she sat there near her mother trying not to talk with Ali because she feared that they might sense something.

As usual in these situations, his mother talked about his qualities while her mother talked about hers. The men decided to move their conversation in a different direction and talk about business and politics. It was a lovely evening where the two families got along together.

Afterwards, they had another several family meetings where they discussed everything related to the engagement and wedding. They rushed the engagement party so quickly in about two weeks in order for the couple to be able to go out together in public so that they would know each other better.

The couple of months between the engagement party and her wedding day passed so quickly. She got closer to Ali like never before. It was the happiest period of her life. They got along together so well. They didn’t have any major disagreements, and worked together in preparing their future house. She was so happy and busy wanting everything to be perfect before her wedding.

Unfortunately, nothing can be perfect in this life. Just a week before her wedding day, her best friend Suha called. She wanted to see her urgently. She sounded so serious on the phone that Sarah had to find sometime in her busy schedule in order to meet her.

Their relationship has cooled down in the past couple of months as Sarah got busy in her preparation for the wedding. Suha didn’t like the distance raised between the two long time best friends, but she has managed to understand how people get busy in these circumstances.

“Ali is gay” Suha said. With a stunned look on her face, Sarah didn’t seem to comprehend what Suha just said. “What are you talking about? Are you kidding? She said while looking at her friend without any reaction trying to read Suha’s face expression to tell if it is a joke or not. Suha remained calm as said “You won’t understand it Sarah now, but you need to think about it, it is true, Ali is gay”.

To be continued

Social Pressure – Page 4


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Social Pressure – Page 3

“What’s wrong with you today? You don’t look good” he said concerned, “Nothing” she said quickly, she knew that her *nothing* wasn’t convincing, and she doesn’t want to sound like shutting him down, so she continued in a low tone “Well it is my mother”. “What’s wrong with your mother Sarah? Is it serious? He asked. “No Ali, don’t worry, it is just that she wants me to marry this man who is coming over with his family tonight to our house! I don’t like this traditional way for getting married, and I don’t feel like showing up tonight.” she said looking to him in the eyes, and wishing that he would say that he would marry her instead. He smiled “You are cute Sarah, you don’t have to worry. Just check the guy up; you don’t have to marry him. You can always say ‘No’, it is your decision after all. Just relax and enjoy the family gathering” he said that with a wink. Her face turned to red as she felt shy of his sweetness. “Thank you Ali, I will tell you what happens tomorrow”.

She took an early leave from work, went to the hair dresser, and rushed to take a bath and dress up before the guests arrive. It wasn’t the first time a man with his family popped into their house to check her out. She has been there, done that. As usual, her family dressed well waiting for the groom! His mother kept on talking and talking about his qualities all night long, concentrating on his education, bank account, and assets! While her mother concentrated on her qualities of being a good cook and helper to her in her house work. It was almost like the guy was looking to buy a maid!

For days, she had several fights with her mother who fiercely tried to convince her to marry this guy. She used all her ways of convincing including drawing a colorful future around the guy’s money, and playing on her insecurities of the possibility of staying unmarried all of her life. To her mother, it was a chance that Sarah needs to grab.

Ali became her saver. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing as he told her about his interest in her. He said all what she dreamt to hear. He wants something serious. He understands her situation, respects her background and appreciates her mind as well as her looks.

She has never imagined that dreams can suddenly come true this perfectly. He is an understanding person. He has never pressured her to do anything against her well. They had to meet each other in her office so that no one would see them in a public place although she allowed herself to break this rule at certain times, but never been comfortable with that.

For weeks, she had to keep this secret from her family. She wasn’t comfortable with all the lies she had to come up with in order to hide this relationship, but she knew that it won’t keep this secret for long.

As she expected, it didn’t take long before he decided to bring his family over to meet hers in order to propose to her. It was one of the happiest days of her life. She was so excited and thrilled that he is coming to meet her parents. She wanted everything to be perfect that night, and hoped that her father won’t have any objection on this man. She made sure not to tell her parents about their secret relationship.

To be continued…

A call for dismissing family names


Would dismissing family names save this country from much hectic?

Our heritage of tribal society has its toll on our evolution to a modern country. While building social organizations, governmental rules, individual rights are moving forward in a fast pace, we still see tribal laws and conflicts are holding us back.

For years we have been hearing consequent governmental officials declaring their intention of fighting corruption and ‘wasta’ in order to give fair equal opportunities to our citizens, but it has always been like blowing in a pinched ballon.

An authorized person in any governmental or private institution doesn’t just give a push to his close family relatives or circle of people that he knows, but he does make his preference based on family name resemblance that gives an indication of coming from a same city, same religion, or same race.

A common behaviour of us the Jordanians is to ask about family names at the very few moments of meeting a new person. And then, if the family name isn’t familiar enough to give the person the information he needs to judge the other as of the place of origin or kind of religion the other follows, we go by asking where are you from? and then, what is your religion?!

No one can deny that we still have some kind of prejudice and racism among us. It isn’t just between those of Palestinian origins vs those of Jordanian origins, or Muslims vs Christians, but also between nothern tribes vs southern ones, and even in between the same tribe.

A solution would be to just dismiss the family name. By changing the name in the indiviual IDs to hold (First Name – Father Name – Grand Father Name) only, instead of (First Name – Father Name – Family Name), we can clear out many problems instantly. A lot of prejudice and racism would fade away in no time.

Would this work?

Sure it would. I know that many would fight this move because of the support they get from their extended family enjoying being born for a certain family name, but a government decision, with a heavy advertising of the benefits of such move would level the objections.

How far is my dream of seeing us voting for our parliament officials based on their political, economic and social plans rather than their family name?!!

Social Pressure – Page 3


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Social Pressure – Page 3

It didn’t take her much time to find a job. Sure her good educational background, communication and computer literacy skills gave her a good advantage, but she is still wondering from her boss’s looks at her what the real reason of him hiring her is.

Being in his 50’s didn’t restrict him of making sexual comments and advancements towards this young woman. Sometimes he even had the guts to comment on her dressing and at others bring her gifts! It annoyed her like never before. Being sexually harassed at work where she can do nothing about it. She doesn’t want to quite her job, she doesn’t want to tell anyone of her family because she knows that her father or brother would kill this man and end up in jail because of her. She doesn’t want to make a scene either where her reputation would get tarnished. She searched and searched for other vacancies in different companies but it didn’t work. In the meantime, she tried to treat him as professional as she could; she tried to avoid him as much as she could, and when he throws a filthy comment, she either pretends that she didn’t hear, or that she didn’t understand.

In a tough day at work, her mother called. “Hey mom, you seem so excited, what’s up?” Sarah asked anxiously. “You have to leave you work early today my dear, your aunt called, she is coming with her friend’s family who has a son that is looking for a wife” Her mother said firmly and continued “It is a good family, they are wealthy, and he is good educated with good reputation, you need to prepare yourself my lovely girl”

Sarah’s head boiled in anger “Mother, you know where I stand in this, I don’t want to get married this way! Please cancel it”, “No way” her mother answered and continued “His mother already talked to me and I gave her my word, they are coming over tonight. Why don’t you just check him up? You might like him; he might be your destiny, who knows?

Sarah’s anger showed in her tone voice now “I am not goodie that he and his family need to check up before buying!” her mother’s voice become sharper too “This is our traditions Sarah, you have to follow them. Your father would get a heart attack if he heard you saying that you want to meet another man in a public place alone like what other girls do these days! It is all settled up. They are coming tonight. You have no choice.”

Trying to hide her tears from a client who popped into her office suddenly, she hung up the phone and drew a fake smile on her face. It wasn’t exactly a fake smile, as that handsome man has this effect on her. She has known him for a couple of months now. She liked his looks from the very first sight. She does like what she knows of his personality so far from the brief conversations they shared. She does feel comfortable with him and wishes him to be her future husband.

Still she has to watch her attitude with him. She doesn’t think that it is appropriate for her to make the first move. She has been so friendly to him for sometime now; she ought to do something in order to grab his attention.

To be continued…