Social Pressure – Page 7


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Social Pressure – Page 7

Fortunately Ali was gentle to her. He didn’t put any pressure at all, and gave her all the time she needed to feel comfortable about it. It went smoothly. It wasn’t anyway of what she expected, in fact she didn’t know what to expect, but it was a good first time.

Ali has been good to her, she was happy to have him in her life. He has never treated her badly in anyway, but even after some months of her marriage she still feels that there is something wrong in their sexual relationship. He doesn’t show much interest in her the way she needs to feel. He sure does his duties as a husband, but she feels more that it is like a duty to him rather than passion from his side.

She has nobody to turn to and ask. The shadow of what her best friend told her a week before her wedding is still haunting her. She doesn’t know what to think anymore. She used to ask herself; maybe it is her friend’s talk what caused this feeling inside of her rather than of Ali’s behavior.

In no time she got pregnant. She and Ali were so thrilled. His mother treated her like a princess for giving her first grandchild. It was a tiring pregnancy, but it was a happy period for all the family. They all were there for her including Ali who took good care of her in those long 9 months.

She hoped that their sex life would pick up after she delivers her baby. Unfortunately she felt more separated of her husband than ever. He didn’t only show less interest in her sexually, but also started spending more time outside the house than inside of it. She tried to talk to him about it more than once, but he managed to come up with a rational excuse every time.

With a bit of shyness she approached her mother looking for some guides, she opened her heart to her mother and told her about what she feels of Ali’s distance in their marriage. To her shock, her mother wasn’t surprise of this kind of behavior. She said that it isn’t common to have this kind of cold relationship in marriages after a while. In fact, she admitted that it has been years for her and her father since they made love to each other.

“You are a mother now, concentrate on your home and your child” Those were her mother’s words.

She looked around her, her cousin had to deal with her husband marrying another woman on her because she can’t get pregnant, and he rationalized with her that he deserves to have a child for his own. Another relative is living alone now because her husband died young in a crash accident, and she doesn’t think it is appropriate to marry another man now, instead she devoted her life for her 2 kids. A friend of her got divorced a couple of month after her wedding day as her husband turned to be a control freak. Her sister lives alone now taking care of her children while her husband lives and works in another country in order to be able to take care of his family financial matters.

As she looked around her, her problem sounded smaller than she thought of. So what if her husband spent much time outside the house? He at least takes care of what her and her child’s needs. He treats her good, and has never denied her any request. He even brought her a new car a couple of months ago on her birthday, so why is she moaning? Life can’t be perfect.

Now that she quite her job as well after she got married, her main job now is to take care of her home and son. She started neglecting her looks as well because she doesn’t get the attention she needs from her husband, and she doesn’t look for such attention from anyone else. As a result she started to gain some weight. She found a pleasure in food as a fill in the void she has in love.

While she tried to take care of her family and home, she couldn’t just keep this distance between her and Ali. She tried harder and hared to work on their relationship. She even started to search after him thinking that he might be dating another woman behind her back.

To be continued…

Social Pressure – Page 6


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Social Pressure – Page 6

Why are you doing this?” Sarah said in disgust “You are my friend, why do are you saying these stuff about my fiancé?”

“Sarah, listen to me, I am not making things up, I know that it is hard to believe, I don’t want to hurt you. It has been a tough decision for me to make in order to tell you. I may loose our friendship but I have to tell you the truth because I care about you, you are my best friend” Suha pleaded hoping the Sarah would believe her.

“You don’t want to hurt me?!! This is exactly what you are doing. I don’t believe any word of what you are saying. I can’t believe that my best friend would come up with something this stupid! How can Ali be gay? He is so masculine, can’t you see that! You need to quite this silliness” she said angrily.

“Yes Ali is masculine, I know that, but a man doesn’t have to be feminine in order to be gay. It is a stereotype Sarah. Most gay men are masculine, believe me”. Suha tried to explain, and then asked “You may able to feel it, have he ever touched you?

“Of course he didn’t!” Sarah answered in shock. “What kind of question is this?! Ali is a decent man. He knows that I won’t allow him to touch me before marriage, he respects me for that. It doesn’t mean that he is gay, besides even if he has done anything with another man in the past, it is in the past. He loves me now, and is committed to me. He may have been gay, but he is no longer gay now” Sarah shouted.

“Sarah, calm down please, listen, a gay will always be gay, it can’t be change, it isn’t about the about the act, it is about the attraction. I just want you to be happy, please think about it, don’t make this mistake and marry him” Suha said in tears.

“I will marry him, I don’t know what are you thinking of, but I know that you are not Suha who I know, you are not my friend anymore, go away, don’t talk to me again, I hate you” Sarah burst in anger and left her friend alone, who sat there sorry, and deeply hurt because Sarah didn’t trust her and thought of her badly. She knows that she can’t do anything now; she has delivered her message, and paid her duty. She lost her best friend in the process, but she knows that she has done the right thing.

Like nothing has happened, Sarah continued her preparations for the wedding. She couldn’t understand how her best friend tried to ruin her happiness at this point of her life, but she won’t let her do it. Suha isn’t her friend anymore. She won’t even invite her for the wedding, and hope that she won’t even show up.

It was the happiest day of her life, all of her family and friends gathered to celebrate her wedding. It was a long and exhausting day, but everything went smoothly the way she planned it.

By the end of the wedding party she ended up alone in the room with Ali for the first time in her life. She was anxious for this moment, quite intimidated because she has never practiced her sexuality before.
Society has built a taboo around sex especially for females. Now, all of a sudden, it is the time where is it accepted morally. It is even more of a duty that she has to do this time despite of her fear of this night.

To be continued…

Is gloating punishable? always?


Yesterday, as time was approaching 2:00 PM, I was at work, on chat with a friend.

Me, enjoying the short working hours of Ramadan, was happy that in 5 mins, my work day was about to end, in the other hand, my poor friend, had 2 remaining hours to go. He leaves work at 4:00 PM.

Bearing in mind that I have only 5 mins left, I felt like gloating. As of sending the msn emoition icon with the sunglasses. For a moment, I felt reluctant of doing so, not that because it would hurt his feelings (sure it won’t, it just would stir his envy), but because an idea of a punishment I would get as of last minute call to give me a task.

It made me think of how people try not to gloat. They warn each other not to do so saying that what goes around comes around. If you gloat now, something bad would happen to you later.

How true is this?

Bad things would happen to you in the future whether you gloated now or not. So why not enjoying the moment when you have the high end?

And

While I am not much of a believer of any super natural powers. Sometimes my mind tries to make sense of outside events as signs of a meaningful cause.

So considering the validitiy of the assumption of getting punished for gloating. I tried to think of how the process works.

Is there somekind of an angel that makes sure to punish the person who gloats? May change his mind for cetain circumstances, or even would mistaken of the amount and kind of punishment a person deserves?

Or

Is it an automated process? Like somekind of a computer program that runs autmotically considering a certain criteria where there is no escape of the result unless you submit certain data.

One has to wonder, if such thing exist, whether it is based on a chaotic process, or well planned logically followed one.

Social Pressure – Page 5


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Social Pressure – Page 5

Ali asked his mother to call hers to set things up in the traditional way without mentioning anything that they have been dating.

When Ali and his family arrived to her house, she pretended that she is seeing him for the first time. Even when her mother told her that someone is coming tonight looking to marry her; she tried to act angrily as she used to do in such situation while hardly holding her smile. It was funny how she sat there near her mother trying not to talk with Ali because she feared that they might sense something.

As usual in these situations, his mother talked about his qualities while her mother talked about hers. The men decided to move their conversation in a different direction and talk about business and politics. It was a lovely evening where the two families got along together.

Afterwards, they had another several family meetings where they discussed everything related to the engagement and wedding. They rushed the engagement party so quickly in about two weeks in order for the couple to be able to go out together in public so that they would know each other better.

The couple of months between the engagement party and her wedding day passed so quickly. She got closer to Ali like never before. It was the happiest period of her life. They got along together so well. They didn’t have any major disagreements, and worked together in preparing their future house. She was so happy and busy wanting everything to be perfect before her wedding.

Unfortunately, nothing can be perfect in this life. Just a week before her wedding day, her best friend Suha called. She wanted to see her urgently. She sounded so serious on the phone that Sarah had to find sometime in her busy schedule in order to meet her.

Their relationship has cooled down in the past couple of months as Sarah got busy in her preparation for the wedding. Suha didn’t like the distance raised between the two long time best friends, but she has managed to understand how people get busy in these circumstances.

“Ali is gay” Suha said. With a stunned look on her face, Sarah didn’t seem to comprehend what Suha just said. “What are you talking about? Are you kidding? She said while looking at her friend without any reaction trying to read Suha’s face expression to tell if it is a joke or not. Suha remained calm as said “You won’t understand it Sarah now, but you need to think about it, it is true, Ali is gay”.

To be continued

Social Pressure – Page 4


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Social Pressure – Page 3

“What’s wrong with you today? You don’t look good” he said concerned, “Nothing” she said quickly, she knew that her *nothing* wasn’t convincing, and she doesn’t want to sound like shutting him down, so she continued in a low tone “Well it is my mother”. “What’s wrong with your mother Sarah? Is it serious? He asked. “No Ali, don’t worry, it is just that she wants me to marry this man who is coming over with his family tonight to our house! I don’t like this traditional way for getting married, and I don’t feel like showing up tonight.” she said looking to him in the eyes, and wishing that he would say that he would marry her instead. He smiled “You are cute Sarah, you don’t have to worry. Just check the guy up; you don’t have to marry him. You can always say ‘No’, it is your decision after all. Just relax and enjoy the family gathering” he said that with a wink. Her face turned to red as she felt shy of his sweetness. “Thank you Ali, I will tell you what happens tomorrow”.

She took an early leave from work, went to the hair dresser, and rushed to take a bath and dress up before the guests arrive. It wasn’t the first time a man with his family popped into their house to check her out. She has been there, done that. As usual, her family dressed well waiting for the groom! His mother kept on talking and talking about his qualities all night long, concentrating on his education, bank account, and assets! While her mother concentrated on her qualities of being a good cook and helper to her in her house work. It was almost like the guy was looking to buy a maid!

For days, she had several fights with her mother who fiercely tried to convince her to marry this guy. She used all her ways of convincing including drawing a colorful future around the guy’s money, and playing on her insecurities of the possibility of staying unmarried all of her life. To her mother, it was a chance that Sarah needs to grab.

Ali became her saver. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing as he told her about his interest in her. He said all what she dreamt to hear. He wants something serious. He understands her situation, respects her background and appreciates her mind as well as her looks.

She has never imagined that dreams can suddenly come true this perfectly. He is an understanding person. He has never pressured her to do anything against her well. They had to meet each other in her office so that no one would see them in a public place although she allowed herself to break this rule at certain times, but never been comfortable with that.

For weeks, she had to keep this secret from her family. She wasn’t comfortable with all the lies she had to come up with in order to hide this relationship, but she knew that it won’t keep this secret for long.

As she expected, it didn’t take long before he decided to bring his family over to meet hers in order to propose to her. It was one of the happiest days of her life. She was so excited and thrilled that he is coming to meet her parents. She wanted everything to be perfect that night, and hoped that her father won’t have any objection on this man. She made sure not to tell her parents about their secret relationship.

To be continued…

A call for dismissing family names


Would dismissing family names save this country from much hectic?

Our heritage of tribal society has its toll on our evolution to a modern country. While building social organizations, governmental rules, individual rights are moving forward in a fast pace, we still see tribal laws and conflicts are holding us back.

For years we have been hearing consequent governmental officials declaring their intention of fighting corruption and ‘wasta’ in order to give fair equal opportunities to our citizens, but it has always been like blowing in a pinched ballon.

An authorized person in any governmental or private institution doesn’t just give a push to his close family relatives or circle of people that he knows, but he does make his preference based on family name resemblance that gives an indication of coming from a same city, same religion, or same race.

A common behaviour of us the Jordanians is to ask about family names at the very few moments of meeting a new person. And then, if the family name isn’t familiar enough to give the person the information he needs to judge the other as of the place of origin or kind of religion the other follows, we go by asking where are you from? and then, what is your religion?!

No one can deny that we still have some kind of prejudice and racism among us. It isn’t just between those of Palestinian origins vs those of Jordanian origins, or Muslims vs Christians, but also between nothern tribes vs southern ones, and even in between the same tribe.

A solution would be to just dismiss the family name. By changing the name in the indiviual IDs to hold (First Name – Father Name – Grand Father Name) only, instead of (First Name – Father Name – Family Name), we can clear out many problems instantly. A lot of prejudice and racism would fade away in no time.

Would this work?

Sure it would. I know that many would fight this move because of the support they get from their extended family enjoying being born for a certain family name, but a government decision, with a heavy advertising of the benefits of such move would level the objections.

How far is my dream of seeing us voting for our parliament officials based on their political, economic and social plans rather than their family name?!!

Social Pressure – Page 3


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Social Pressure – Page 3

It didn’t take her much time to find a job. Sure her good educational background, communication and computer literacy skills gave her a good advantage, but she is still wondering from her boss’s looks at her what the real reason of him hiring her is.

Being in his 50’s didn’t restrict him of making sexual comments and advancements towards this young woman. Sometimes he even had the guts to comment on her dressing and at others bring her gifts! It annoyed her like never before. Being sexually harassed at work where she can do nothing about it. She doesn’t want to quite her job, she doesn’t want to tell anyone of her family because she knows that her father or brother would kill this man and end up in jail because of her. She doesn’t want to make a scene either where her reputation would get tarnished. She searched and searched for other vacancies in different companies but it didn’t work. In the meantime, she tried to treat him as professional as she could; she tried to avoid him as much as she could, and when he throws a filthy comment, she either pretends that she didn’t hear, or that she didn’t understand.

In a tough day at work, her mother called. “Hey mom, you seem so excited, what’s up?” Sarah asked anxiously. “You have to leave you work early today my dear, your aunt called, she is coming with her friend’s family who has a son that is looking for a wife” Her mother said firmly and continued “It is a good family, they are wealthy, and he is good educated with good reputation, you need to prepare yourself my lovely girl”

Sarah’s head boiled in anger “Mother, you know where I stand in this, I don’t want to get married this way! Please cancel it”, “No way” her mother answered and continued “His mother already talked to me and I gave her my word, they are coming over tonight. Why don’t you just check him up? You might like him; he might be your destiny, who knows?

Sarah’s anger showed in her tone voice now “I am not goodie that he and his family need to check up before buying!” her mother’s voice become sharper too “This is our traditions Sarah, you have to follow them. Your father would get a heart attack if he heard you saying that you want to meet another man in a public place alone like what other girls do these days! It is all settled up. They are coming tonight. You have no choice.”

Trying to hide her tears from a client who popped into her office suddenly, she hung up the phone and drew a fake smile on her face. It wasn’t exactly a fake smile, as that handsome man has this effect on her. She has known him for a couple of months now. She liked his looks from the very first sight. She does like what she knows of his personality so far from the brief conversations they shared. She does feel comfortable with him and wishes him to be her future husband.

Still she has to watch her attitude with him. She doesn’t think that it is appropriate for her to make the first move. She has been so friendly to him for sometime now; she ought to do something in order to grab his attention.

To be continued…

Social Pressure – Page 2


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Social Pressure – Page 2

Upon her arrival home, she noticed the loud music and chanting coming out of her house as her mother planned a party to celebrate her success. All of the women of her family, neighbors and friends gathered in order to congratulate her. She was thrilled seeing them all there for her, but then that feeling of happiness faded away facing the continuous question of her next success which is in their eyes “Getting married!” It was like her certificate didn’t mean anything to them; it was just a ticket for the ultimate goal of getting a husband!

Sarah has been struggling through this dilemma for years now. Like every other girl, she has been dreaming of a man to love. A man who can take care of her and give her the affection she needs. She wants to get married, but not to a stranger who would come to her family house and propose to her with his family in the traditional way of things. Instead, like a lot of other girls these days, she wants to get to know and love this guy before bringing him home to her family.

Dating a man wasn’t an option to her family. She can imagine her father or brother’s reaction if they saw her in a public place with another man. She knows how strict her father is. Even though he might not hurt her physically, she knows that being out with another man would bring much shame to her father with his old social mentality and strict religious views.

She can’t help herself but to be jealous of her younger brother who has no problem dating other girls. She used to wish that she was born male in this masculine dominated society. Her brother has grew up feeding on his father mentality. Being a man gave him a green light to fool around with other girls, staying late at night with his friends, and having no real boundaries. At the same time, he would take her father’s role and make himself responsible of her, her behaviour, friends and other stuff as a mean of protection in his eyes.

It was a wonderful party that day. As she went to bed exhausted, her mother came to have a little chat with her. “My little angel, look how grown up you are, you have succeeded in college, I am sure you will be a good wife too, may God send you a good husband.” Her mother said as she turned up her eyes towards the ceiling asking God for a husband gift. She then continued “You shall start looking for a job dear instead of keep on sitting here in the house; you need to go out and socialize”.

“Ok mother, I will start looking tomorrow” Sarah said while trying to hide her sadness of her mother’s motives in urging her to find a job. “Don’t forget to pray before going to bed” Her mother added as she left the room. What kind of hypocrisy is this? She asked herself. She loves her mother, but she can’t forget her mother’s objection on her wearing a veil when she talked to her about it a couple of months ago. Being a Muslim, Sarah has been struggling with this decision. She needed her mother’s support in order to make what is right for her belief. Instead, her mother rationalized her objection that it would reduce Sarah’s chances of getting a noticed by men in order to get a husband.

“Wait after you get married” her mother’s words stuck in her head. Sarah realizes her moderate beauty, she and her mother thought that the veil would eat from her beauty by hiding her hair. She has pretty eyes, but she doesn’t like the sharpness of her chin. She is slightly chubby with a bit shorter than average height. Knowing that, she developed excellent skills for making herself look better over the years. Still, her insecurity about her beauty never went away.

Having all that pressure from her mother, friends and society around her, realizing how time passes fast and the limitations her father and brother put around her and her own insecurities created this nightmare inside of her: The nightmare of not getting married.

To be continued…

Sexless marriages, why??


I wonder if the lack of sex before marriage can be one of the reasons of a sexless marriage afterwards.

It is a touchy subject. Most of the Jordanians are not ready for the idea to have sex experiences outside marriage boundaries because it is unacceptable from cultural and religious point of views.

And I said “Most” while not sure how accurate this can be regarding the rapid changes that has affect our society in the past couple of years.

It is becoming more and more acceptable for women to declare that they have a boy friend these days comparing to what used to happen before 10 years for example, where having a boy friend was percieved as an immoral act, and the girl doing so, as a bad one.

Maybe it is safe to say that these days it is rare to find a 25 years celibate old woman that had never been in a loving relationship before.

Looking into relationships, one can wonder how much a couple can abide from having any kind of sexual contact. Sure complete intercourse outside marriage is still a taboo. Being a virgin is still a requirement to pass the first wedding night for women in our society although you can see some tiny ratio of men (that is getting larger each day) who are ready to get over this complication.

Does getting ‘love relationships’ to be common thing, means that secretive sexual behaviours is common as well? and how long can we keep on denying the changes that are taking place in our society? and is it really a bad thing?

Can sexual contacts before marriage give a couple an indication of what their sexual life can be after marriage? Would it prevent many failed, or sexless marriages if a person knew what does he/she really want, and what is his sexual preference, and whether compaitablity between the couple exist or not?

Or it is like in Oula‘s post, that we like to percieve the origin of the problem as of the load of work and busy life we are getting to face?

I just wish we can be more courageous to address what is really going on in our society without pointing fingers on each other. Things are changing. Why not face it?

Social Pressure – Page 1


Because of the nice feedback I got after publishing my “Young Old man” short story, and upon reading Oula Farawati’s excellent post on her blog about sexless marriages, I decided to publish another short story that I have wrote a while ago. It does give a reason why some marriages end up going without sex. I bet the ladies reading this blog would enjoy the read the most.

The title of my new story is “Social Pressure”. As for the pressure our women get to face starting from their earlier twenties till they got married.

I do appreciate feedback 🙂

Social Pressure – Page 1

Walking quickly up the stairs, she was so anxious to get her final results at college. After four years, her graduation depends on those marks. She couldn’t sleep well that day. She knows that she will succeed, but still she is worried about any surprises, and hoping for an ‘Excellent’ honor degree.

Before reaching the top of the stairs, she noticed Lana and Omar leaving the results room. They were the most envied and gossiped about couple in the university. Throughout the years Sarah and her friends managed to circulate this couple’s news over and over again. They relived their introduction, their break-ups, and celebrations….etc.

As a 6’, dark skinned Adonis of a man peering on the world through large hazel eyes, Omar was considered to be one of the best looking guys at the university. With his pleasant personality, wealth and well known family, he was the dream of every girl.

On the other hand, there was Lana. Her blond hair, brown eyes, and nice figure were considered nice in the eyes of Sarah and her friends, but surely, she does not deserve such a hunk! They talked and talked about her cunning ways, and sluttish approach in getting men. Coming from a different background, Lana was more comfortable in dealing with guys. She had no problem showing her affection, or declaring her admiration for other men, which in turn was considered ‘bitchy’ by other girls. Their own jealousy of her good fortune helped fuel their gossip even more.

“Hey guys! How are you? It’s been a while since I saw you!” Sarah said while her eyes caught that shining diamond ring sparkling on Lana’s finger. Before waiting for an answer, she shouted enthusiastically “Oh my God, you got engaged?! Congratulations guys!” She said while Lana was gripped into a cold hug that she tried to warm up. She gave her a soft kiss on her cheek, and then turned to Omar and shook his hand, trying to keep some distance because she thinks it isn’t appropriate to hug or kiss another guy who is not a relative.

She asked them about their results, congratulated them again on their engagement and their success, and then rushed back into the results room. She gave the person in charge her ID card, and waited to get her marks. In the meantime, she could not resist giving the big news to her friend, so she picked up her cell phone and dialled Suha. “Suha! Hey guess what? I have some interesting news, our Barbie girl got engaged!” She said sarcastically. Suha, screaming at the other side of the line said “NO way! You are kidding, how stupid can Omar be? He can definitely get a better woman!” So Sarah enthusiastically continued “You should have seen the look on her face! It was like she is some kind of princess or something. Eeewwww!” she was getting the slip of her results. “Wait a minute Suha, forget about Lana and Omar, here is the big news, I have passed my exams with an ‘Excellent’ honor degree!” She hung up the phone and ran out happily home.

To be continued…