The idea of giving someone’s own life for his land has been injected in my heart since childhood. The feeling of sacrificing is honorable. I have always wondered whether if a real war happens I would be a man enough to fight and give my life to protect my land or not. The idea used to scare me, but I have always knew that I would push myself and most probably do it.
I have grew up in Jordan. Since childhood they stamped in our minds that Palestine has been stolen from us by the Jews. Coming from Palestinians origins, it has even a bigger impact on me as a child. I became aware that I have a land that have been taken from my grands by force. My job is to take it back. At childhood my dream became to work hard in order to get my land back.
They never taught me the other side of the story. All what I grew up to learn is that Jews are evil. In my brain, I didnt use to percieve them as human beings as us. The daily news of the activities of the Israeli soldiers towards Palestinian civilians only helped increase my rage. My source of news has only been our side of the story. I have never thought of why would they do this to us. They were inhuman and immoral to me.
In 4th grade, the idea of having a one big arabic nation became my second dream. Grouping the forces of several small countries would only lead to a strong force that would free my land and put us back on the top of this world. They claimed that Imperial forces divided our nation to make it weaker. I didnt know at that time that our nation was even weak under the Othmanian occupation inspite of being one big land. It was one big land under occupation. BUT the conspiracy theory ideology has been injected in my blood since then. The world is conspiracing on us ‘the Arabs’ (wonder why!), they want us divided and weak, that is why they planted Israel in the middle of the Arab Land -This is what my teacher told me-.
1990, I was in 6th grade. Saddam hussen invaded Kwait. I couldnt comprehend why he did that at that time, I percieved it as a way to bring Arabs togather, as of it not being an invasion but somekind of a union between 2 Arabic countries. I was so naive back then. With some couple of missiles Saddam shoot on Tel Aviv, he won my heart. I couldnt comprehend why other Arab countries would fight Iraq back then. I believed the lies of the Iraq force, and dreamt that he (we) would win the fight.
Fortunatly he lost, I thought of it unfortunace back then, I cried. My dream has evaporated. With time, I learnt more about the division between the Arab countries. It wasnt a union. It was a conflict of interests. Iraq occupied Kwait the same way Israel occupied Palestine. Our Arabic ties between coutries are even worse than between other coutries around the world. I learnt more and more about Saddam’s regeme opression, and how his people were suffering under his rule.
I became more and more aware about the opression of the leaders of the Arab countries. Israel seems to give its people more freedom and human rights than any other Arab country. We are so much consumed of fighting each other.
My perception of the world matured as I grew up. I have learnt that you can’t judge people based on their race, country or origins. I have much differences with my fellow Arab people around me. My ideology and mentality matches some and differs with many here in my country, amd it does matches some and differs with some in other countries as well.
Fundamental religious and terrorist groups seem to threaten my way of living and existance more than what I learnt to be my enemy of Israel and its allies the US. Being against my enemey doesnt mean that you are my friend. The delimma between me feeling of patriotism and being faithful to my values teared me up.
I became to value human life anywhere. A life of a human became more important to me than any land. The war between us and Israel has last long. Many Arabs and Israeli have died. I dont want to hear about more death. I want people in west bank and Gaza to start living a decent life. I know that they can do that. There are good people in Israel as there is in the Palestine. We can work togather in peace.
We ought to stop this cycle of violence. We are humans regardless of our races. Sure we can live togather if we played it smart. Let us push those extremists of authority on both sides, they only lead us to death and destruction, let us rule with love and compassion.